You learn to live with it, make peace with it. You can still live a full life, friends, long term relationship etc. But I don't believe it is something that can be "cured".
Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
11–20 of 52 posts
Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
#12OP, you did not give any details as to your situation, which I think are important.
Why is this important to you? Are there things you want to do that you feel you cannot because of this anxiety? Do you feel you are missing out things because of this anxiety? What situations cause this anxiety?
Unless you feel you are being negatively impacted by this anxiety, which may be true, you should not be worried or overwhelmed about feeing uneasy in certain situations. Once you can isolate certain areas for improvement you can begin to improve. You can't do everything at once.
Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
#13bartending
Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
#14Repetition. Go to meetups with the intention of one or two drinks, and chit chatting. A plus is a phone number exchange. Do it weekly.
Second, embrace anxiety. Exit the thought loop of worry people can see your anxiety by saying to yourself, "Y,es it might be visible to others, oh well. Nothing to do but push through it. And who cares. It's reality" You'll be surprised how much anxiety ceases to care about you when you fear it less.
Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
#15Toastmasters (in a club with a very chill vibe and mostly non-native speakers)
Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
#16First getting diagnosed, medicated and therapy. CBT is an amazing tool to help you rewire your thought processes and self image. (Access to therapy might vary based on your location/healthcare system but I cannot recommend it enough)
Therapy is only the first step to give you the capabilities to allowing you to effectively “expose” yourself to more social situations like many others have already commented.
Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
#17For me, it was a combination of two things.
First, I transitioned from an engineering role into sales engineering which meant I was meeting new people, running meetings, etc. every day. That exposure made me pretty comfortable with conversation and meeting new people.
Second, and I think more important, is to develop a much greater sense of self-acceptance and comfort. I think a lot of my anxiety was based having some implicit sense that social interaction were performative. I would often approach them with this feeling that I had to do the right thing, say the right thing, leave an impression on them that I designed in my head like being funny, likeable, or smart. Eventually I just learned to accept myself more, let myself say dumb things or make bad jokes. Ultimately you can't control what people think of you, so you may as well just do your thing, and if you aren't happy with your thing then you need to work on that first.
Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
#18I never totally did — there’s certain situations I feel awkward in still — but I went from a shy kid to a fairly outgoing adult.
It really was exposure, just putting myself in a public place and having small interactions with those around me. It helps going to the same spot frequently and becoming a regular because then the environment isn’t intimidating. Another big key was not expecting anything out of interactions. Most people you talk to you will never see again and that’s total fine! In fact, it makes it easier to put yourself out there with the right perspective. You have nothing to lose!
Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
#19The more you fight something - the stronger you make it.
I just accepted that social anxiety is a natural part of a human being and went on living my life.
Re: Ask HN: How did you overcome social anxiety?
#20First getting diagnosed, medicated and therapy. CBT is an amazing tool to help you rewire your thought processes and self image. (Access to therapy might vary based on your location/healthcare system but I cannot recommend it enough) Therapy is only the first step to give you the capabilities to allowing you to effectively “expose” yourself to more social situations like many others have already commented.
Similar story and I use journaling as a form of CBT therapy often.
I also went on an SSRI a few years ago which I swore off for a decade+. It’s been huge for me, something I wish I had been more open-minded about a lot early. Even with therapy and tons of exposure therapy, I still had crippling social anxiety. With medication, I feel… normal.