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Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

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Re: Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

#11

Post by impendia »

c250d07 wrote: post #10
impendia wrote: post #6

I recommend meditation. You can either find a group in your area (which is also great for making friends) or read books by Pema Chodron or others. Meditation is, in my experience, a great way to deal with guilt. (And I say this having dealt with guilt a lot.) You don't try to fight the guilt, or deny anything. You just experience it briefly if it comes, and then return your focus to your breathing.

I'm in the early stages of starting mindfulness meditation. Would you recommend one form of meditation over another for dealing with guilt?

I'm rather a beginner. Please ask someone with more experience than me!

Re: Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

#12

Post by diwank »

read_wharf wrote: post #9
diwank wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A steady job is a very good idea (depending on who you ask). I just didn't want to make the assumption that he has a large enough skill set for a regular programming job.

The cool thing is, he could back into a programming job. Intern, QA, semi-technical gopher, job got through a friend, whatever. He seems to have some chops. If he's there for M months, and moves himself into a programming job for N months, he gets to say on his resume: JobCo M to N Role: Programmer, etc, etc It's an option among options.

Indeed. That'd be incredible if he can manage that. Plus, he'll gain a lot experience.

Re: Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

#13

Post by idupree »

c250d07 wrote: post #10
impendia wrote: post #6

I recommend meditation. You can either find a group in your area (which is also great for making friends) or read books by Pema Chodron or others. Meditation is, in my experience, a great way to deal with guilt. (And I say this having dealt with guilt a lot.) You don't try to fight the guilt, or deny anything. You just experience it briefly if it comes, and then return your focus to your breathing.

I'm in the early stages of starting mindfulness meditation. Would you recommend one form of meditation over another for dealing with guilt?

I do mindfulness meditation, because I like it. "Insight meditation" is another name for a same/similar kind of meditation.

It helps me be in touch with my emotions/body/appetite etc. Even when they're unwell. I would otherwise shy away from acknowledging/considering/contemplating things I don't like. Sometimes this helps me when I feel overcome with guilt (for me I usually feel guilty about minor things that I only feel guilty about because I'm a perfectionist who is appalled by hurting a metaphorical flea. Or, regrets.).

If other people know other kinds of meditation better, I'd love to hear about them too.

Re: Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

#14

Post by jdorfman »

I have suffered from bipolar disorder for more than 10 years. I have been hospitalized once for 2 weeks. I felt like a complete failure. But as time went on things got better. Here is some advice. Don't make any big decisions while you are are feeling like shit. Be patient, it will get better. As time goes on the guilt will disappear. Last but certainly not least, never ever go off your medication no matter how good you feel. Hang in there, you will be fine. :-)

Re: Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

#15

Post by locopati »

c250d07 wrote: post #10
impendia wrote: post #6

I recommend meditation. You can either find a group in your area (which is also great for making friends) or read books by Pema Chodron or others. Meditation is, in my experience, a great way to deal with guilt. (And I say this having dealt with guilt a lot.) You don't try to fight the guilt, or deny anything. You just experience it briefly if it comes, and then return your focus to your breathing.

I'm in the early stages of starting mindfulness meditation. Would you recommend one form of meditation over another for dealing with guilt?

Find a style that suits you and a teacher you trust and work with them. Even though meditation is all on you, it helps to have a good teacher to advise you when things get difficult.

Re: Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

#16

Post by locopati »

jdorfman wrote: post #14

I have suffered from bipolar disorder for more than 10 years. I have been hospitalized once for 2 weeks. I felt like a complete failure. But as time went on things got better. Here is some advice. Don't make any big decisions while you are are feeling like shit. Be patient, it will get better. As time goes on the guilt will disappear. Last but certainly not least, never ever go off your medication no matter how good…

Along the lines of 'never ever go off your medication'...pay attention to what you eat and how it affects you. It took me a long time to connect that some foods (like sugar) can trigger depressive states and even longer to undo the habits.

Re: Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

#17

Post by c250d07 »

diwank wrote: post #5
read_wharf wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Everything you say is good, including the last line about freelancers. But I wonder if the alternative of a steady job might also be worth considering, just to remove the stress of finding the next gig for a couple of years.

A steady job is a very good idea (depending on who you ask). I just didn't want to make the assumption that he has a large enough skill set for a regular programming job.

I may very well have enough experience for a steady coding job, as I have had an entry level coding job before. But, there were never a lot of coding jobs in my area, and even less so since the recession came in.

Re: Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

#18

Post by bsenftner »

Read and understand about "Cognitive Distortions" - the methods we use to lie to ourselves. It has helped me significantly. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

I also suggest you enroll in an MBA program, even one class at a time, if necessary. Optimism is alive and in abundance in MBA programs, and it will infect you in a positive way. Plus, the skills gained will support practically everything you want to do for the rest of your life.

If an MBA program sounds suspicious to you, pick any issue of Harvard Business Review and read it cover to cover. The articles are "how to" for business situations, but in reality are describing how to accomplish goals at the edges of one's capabilities. That's infectious too.

And, of course, exercise 3-6 times a week, eat all your meals, eat healthy meals, get good sleep, and completely ignore recreational drugs, including alcohol. There's always time for that crap after you have some professional and financial security beneath you.

A book I really got inspired by: "How to be a Billionaire". http://www.amazon.com/How-Billionaire-Proven-Strategies-Tita...

Re: Ask HN: Coming out of a long bout of depression, need some life advice.

#19

Post by paulsutter »

c250d07 wrote: post #10
impendia wrote: post #6

I recommend meditation. You can either find a group in your area (which is also great for making friends) or read books by Pema Chodron or others. Meditation is, in my experience, a great way to deal with guilt. (And I say this having dealt with guilt a lot.) You don't try to fight the guilt, or deny anything. You just experience it briefly if it comes, and then return your focus to your breathing.

I'm in the early stages of starting mindfulness meditation. Would you recommend one form of meditation over another for dealing with guilt?

You may want to choose according to the groups in your area. For example, here in the bay area I'm familiar with San Francisco Zen Center, and Spirit Rock which is up in Marin county but has teachers all over the bay area.

It helped me a lot to have a group to sit with weekly. How you feel about the group is a pretty good way to choose.

The individual schools are really pretty similar. Tricycle is a magazine that publishes articles from teachers from the three major schools of Buddhism. When you read it you realize the fundamentals are very much the same in each school.

Once you have studied for a while you will view guilt very differently. Through equanimity you can learn to see things as they really are without judging them. It's hard to explain through this iPhone keyboard, but I can assure you that it's about the best thing you can do to shift your perspective to become more compassionate towards yourself and others.

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