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Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

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11–20 of 56 posts

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#11
When things are dire, or you're worried about them becoming dire, actively and purposefully do not lose hope.

Do some exposure therapy. Think about the worst case reasonably likely scenario, then the next one assuming the first happens, then the next, and so on until you can't think of any more.

Get some options. Think of all of the possibilities you have for moving forward. Yes, the practical ones that are actionable, but also the impractical ones that would make you happy. That helps you to learn a bit about yourself. It also helps you to problem solve your situation without getting locked into a local maximum.

Are you tired? Burned out? In a rut? Want to travel? Want community? There are specific solutions for specific problems. Think on it to understand what specifically you need and how you might get it before a flimflam man convinces you to sell cutco to raise money for their megacult.

And get help if you can. Yes, professional help. But also support from family or friends.

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#12
In my mid 20s, I was about $100K in debt, failed in the career that I thought I'd have after undergrad, compounded my problem by running to a grad school program because I thought it would give me a new chance at money post program and make my family proud. In my late 20s I was about $200K in debt, in a bad marriage, still unsure of what I wanted to do in my career. Fast forward to today (early 40s). I make more money than I ever imagined I could, I have a wonderful (2nd) marriage, I'm out of debt, life is good.

Learnings that led me here (in no particular order):

* don't think about what others think of you, think about what you want and what makes you happy. i know that I can't force myself to work hard on something i'm not interested in, so this was very important for me to figure out

* read "7 habits of highly effective people" - there's timeless advice there

* read "non-violent communication" - changed the way that i communicate and made my second marriage much healthier than the first, learning how to communicate in different contexts will help in your career as well

* learn to forgive, especially yourself

* accept responsibility- you're responsible for your life, no one else

* your 20s are for taking risk and figuring out what you're interested in, don't be afraid of risk, learning how to take risks and becoming comfortable with risk will help you in the long run

* luck is certainly a big factor for success, but you can set yourself up to create luck or take advantage of luck by cultivating your network, reducing debt, increasing your skills

* this was advice given to me by someone I respect- "don't chase a network or career, be interesting and add value, the rest will take care of itself." If you're interesting (had interesting experiences, have interesting thoughts and are able to communicate those things) people will be drawn to you, if you add value people will want to work with you and you'll capture some of that value back.

* Edit, one more: you can train your mind like you train your body. If identify something that's holding you back, you can change. Concrete example- in my 20s I was one of those people at parties that sits in the corner and doesn't talk to anyone because they dont know many people there. I decided that was holding me back, but I couldn't all of a sudden become "social" (just like when you first start training your body, you're not going to squat 200lbs), so I devised little exercises for myself to make me more comfortable talking to people I don't know- complementing people on their shoes while in line at a coffee shop ("those are cool shoes!"). Then when that becomes natural, asking follow up questions- "where did you get them?" and building from there.

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#13
First off, whatever way you think you have in your 20s is wrong and misguided. You need small wins to gain confindence. It's almost September, think of a reasonable goal you can accomplish by the end of the year. Start to think of a harder goal your can accomplish by the end of 2024. If it's money, then finding religion about personal finances in your 20's will set you up better than most in your later years.

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#14

In my mid 20s, I was about $100K in debt, failed in the career that I thought I'd have after undergrad, compounded my problem by running to a grad school program because I thought it would give me a new chance at money post program and make my family proud. In my late 20s I was about $200K in debt, in a bad marriage, still unsure of what I wanted to do in my career. Fast forward to today (early 40s). I make more mone…

Did you mean 7 habits of highly effective people?

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#15
Well you are lost because you are associating yourself with the environment and circumstances.

You are basically a pilot of a mecha.

Thoughts are basically your ai remembering things with a lot of hallucinations.

We are sent down to this planet to explore and mine for resources.

Just focus on exploring, and the data that you collect will automatically be synced up to the super intelligence.

That is your core job. You do not need to make anything out of your life.

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#16

In my mid 20s, I was about $100K in debt, failed in the career that I thought I'd have after undergrad, compounded my problem by running to a grad school program because I thought it would give me a new chance at money post program and make my family proud. In my late 20s I was about $200K in debt, in a bad marriage, still unsure of what I wanted to do in my career. Fast forward to today (early 40s). I make more mone…

Did you mean 7 habits of highly effective people?

Yes, sorry. Fixed

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#17
I've been more or less broke for most of my adult life. It's not due to being lost, it's just due to getting low paying contracts while trying to bootstrap startups.

The worst thing is that people assume I am incompetent or a drug addict or "lost" or something when they find out my financial circumstances.

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#18

The biggest advice I could give is "there are no short cuts" and even if there are it takes way too long to find them. if you want more money work on getting a marketable skill. preferably something you don't mind doing. "life's a marathon not a sprint" so work at getting better at the skill everyday. It's not going to happen overnight but so what. it's not a competition.

> The biggest advice I could give is "there are no short cuts" and even if there are it takes way too long to find them.

"In strategy, the longest way around is the shortest way home.” — B.H. Liddell Hart

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#19
Currently finding my own path and one bit of advice that I thought was incredibly helpful is from Dr. Stutz.

The advice is a bit new-age-y, but I think it rings true nevertheless. It’s about working on your “life force”[0], which can be represented as a pyramid with three sections: body, people, self.

Start moving your body, getting good sleep, eating well. Then focus on your connections with others, developing friendships, relationships. Leaning on others and letting them lean on you. And then you have self development: working on skills, learning, experiencing things.

The idea is that by focusing on developing and growing your “life force” it’ll help figure out how to move forward.

[0] https://www.netflix.com/tudum/videos/life-force-aspects-of-r...

Re: Ask HN: Those who were broke and lost in life in 20s. How'd you find way again?

#20
I was in massive student debt from a failed attempt at an art degree. I signed up for online CS courses which allowed me to apply for internships. After a lucky break I got one in California. From there I dropped out again and started working at amazon, and then apple. It’s been about 10 years and I’m doing pretty well. I can’t recommend this path though. Pretty sure it was just a combination of luck and being good at interviews.

I should mention that the student loans weren’t all bad. I didn’t end up doing art, but I was able to get out of my small Midwestern town and meet some great people.

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