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Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

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Re: Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

#11

Post by themodelplumber »

anonymouskimmer wrote: post #10
themodelplumber wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In saying "can model" it's really more of a subjective treatment, not so much referring to any particular object. There are many typologies, easily hundreds, which go into these topics at different levels and in different ways. JCFs in general are a pretty common element in this kind of modeling within personality type. You used the "typology" rainbow word, which is more than I'm used to reading here, but I'm not sur…

Ten years studying personality theory, with an emphasis on the Enneagram and instinctual variants. I've paid at least cursory attention to a half dozen to a dozen or so other systems. And I made an original synthesis between the the instinctual variants and Guilford's structure of intellect. I'm just curious exactly where you're getting this from. Family dynamics, instincts? I'm curious to read more detail.

JCFs are a good candidate for sure then. I'd dive into Fe and Fi for starters. Two feeling functions in different, opposite attitudinal roles (in, out; subject, object).

And the Jungian principle of opposites doing war; causing war. Transcending opposites, creating the third point.

That doesn't narrow it down much I know, but this was a long time ago for me and I kind of got sick of everybody's personal One True Model. To me they're all just toys or toy building blocks for telling stories, in a very important way.

(BTW to clarify, a lot of what I write here is also me modeling by internally referencing unlabeled systems or constellations of models for their derived effect, not just me referencing this or that model. So it would send the wrong message to send you some kind of chapter and verse anyway, and if I could do that it might even be ten models per word, depending)

When you related that you made an original synthesis you almost activated my thread-ejection seat; it so happens that I overdosed on this kind of discourse years ago due to my own enthusiasm for progress of such an amazing sort. :-) It's a fun domain. Good luck to you.

Re: Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

#12

Post by dieselgate »

jesuscript wrote: post #8

You sound like you are too cool for school. It’s a phase. I’m actually going through it myself. There will be a point where you will want to be less of a recluse, but now isn’t that time. It’s okay. It’s funny, I was never that loner kid in school but I’m going through that loner phase right now. I’m tempted to just start wearing goth clothes and eyeliner. It’s almost as if life is truly anachronistic, and you will a…

You mentioned some good stuff but personally think this is more nuanced than someone being "too cool" for other people - of course that can be a part of it but not always, we're all different.

Re: Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

#13

Post by dieselgate »

There are certainly a lot of people like this (and naturally they are probably not going to be folks we interact with/see much), if it works for you and you still do your best to be a kind person whenever possible then I'd say go for it.

Heard someone say before "my best friends are the ones I never see and talk to" and that's still valid, we're all different.

The book called "Quiet" talks about the "extroverted ideal" and I personally found it to be a good read and recommend it to others

Re: Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

#14

Post by jesuscript »

dieselgate wrote: post #12
jesuscript wrote: post #8

You sound like you are too cool for school. It’s a phase. I’m actually going through it myself. There will be a point where you will want to be less of a recluse, but now isn’t that time. It’s okay. It’s funny, I was never that loner kid in school but I’m going through that loner phase right now. I’m tempted to just start wearing goth clothes and eyeliner. It’s almost as if life is truly anachronistic, and you will a…

You mentioned some good stuff but personally think this is more nuanced than someone being "too cool" for other people - of course that can be a part of it but not always, we're all different.

It is certainly nuanced, and one can argue that behind the isolation is a defense mechanism of one who does want to engage but is fearful for however many reasons. It could be shyness, masked by an ego that won’t allow them to be vulnerable (hence the ‘I’m not shy or scared, I just don’t want to be bothered’).

Or it could be resentment. I’m kind of weird, and say weird things, and often entertain weird ideas and say weird shit. I’m tired of being misunderstood for the n-th time. How about I just keep you all at a distance?

But ultimately, most importantly, it could be that life is not that serious. Hence the too cool for school.

Everyone from time to time has a reason to take a step back, no big deal.

Re: Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

#15

Post by jesuscript »

themodelplumber wrote: post #5

This is modeled really well by personality type theory. For example, you can model groups with two broad systems of feeling: Interpersonal relating, energy, and signaling vs. Personal values/interests-focus, uniqueness, & authenticity. You are demonstrating the latter, describing in an authentic way how you are bored/disinterested by the former. People in the same group usually have a "bad boy" side that comes out if…

Is it healthy to pathologies this stuff? Many people already have a tendency to over analyze (the voice in one’s head) their own self, and carry forward that practice in labeling/analyzing others.

Once you also accept a label, you can often close yourself off to possibilities, e.g - I’m just not that type of person.

Maybe this is one area we just leave alone.

Re: Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

#16

Post by soueuls »

Not exactly the same feeling because I do have few close friends (most of them I don't see very often because I left my home country, without any intention to really go back)

But, I like strangers.

I like exploring cities, chasing hidden bars, drinking some cocktails with a person I have just met few hours earlier.

Converse, debate.

And then never meet again.

Re: Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

#17

Post by anonymouskimmer »

themodelplumber wrote: post #11
anonymouskimmer wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ten years studying personality theory, with an emphasis on the Enneagram and instinctual variants. I've paid at least cursory attention to a half dozen to a dozen or so other systems. And I made an original synthesis between the the instinctual variants and Guilford's structure of intellect. I'm just curious exactly where you're getting this from. Family dynamics, instincts? I'm curious to read more detail.

JCFs are a good candidate for sure then. I'd dive into Fe and Fi for starters. Two feeling functions in different, opposite attitudinal roles (in, out; subject, object). And the Jungian principle of opposites doing war; causing war. Transcending opposites, creating the third point. That doesn't narrow it down much I know, but this was a long time ago for me and I kind of got sick of everybody's personal One True Mode…

:D

Re: Ask HN: Is it normal to like people at a distance and dislike otherwise?

#18

Post by thensome »

My mom and I are both like this. There's enough to do alone. I think there's also a lot of ambient cultural pressure (at least in the US) to socialize pretty frequently compared to other locations or past times. Obviously there were always people who were super extroverted and would be hosting parties and showing up at their friends' homes all the time, but back when there were only letters and maybe telegrams it would have taken a lot longer to plan to meet.

Something that I've actually enjoyed my whole life is writing letters. (and writing online)

Anyway, to answer the question more directly, I think it's common but those of us who do it all end up being considered abnormal by someone. :P what are you gonna do lol

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