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"The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time:now" -- old Chinese proverb I believe.
Hope, in my experience is the most powerful force to help you turn things around. But at the same time, few things are as cruel as hope when it is crushed. Ultimately the choice is yours on whether you consider hope as worth having.
You identified a wife, job, maybe kids. You come home after a fulfilling day of work, have a nice dinner with the family, and feel a sense of content. Now rewind, and focus and focus on a single trail. What steps lead to this moment?
You came from work; where do you work? What do you do there? When did you start? Why did you ace the interview? How did you get the interview? What made you feel ready to interview?
Do this exercise for each facet of your life you care about, and work all the way back to the first achievable step. Then take that step.
If you need a framework for working with psychological issues, I recommend ACT (my wife is a psychology therapist and an expert in that field). It's possible that your current lifestyle or situation is not aligned with your values, so you may need to make some changes to better fulfill what is important to you. Changing can be difficult, but in Western society, we often try to avoid discomfort instead of embracing it. However, it's often necessary to embrace discomfort in order to thrive.
Good luck.
Breaking things down into smaller pieces may help you get where you want to go. Good luck.
I cannot advise you on getting to the US, but it’s never too late to restart things in general. 40s is mid career, and the best of your life can still be ahead of you. I’m the same age, I’m still making plans to build and grow.
I’d advise some sort of educational refresher, see if there’s a qualification you can do that builds on (or converts) what you already have. If you want to be in tech then various places used to offer one-year conversion masters in software for existing grads. Another option might be to do a teaching qualification if that appeals.
The important thing is to make a start!
(And also I would seek some counselling for that suicidal ideation, it’s important to talk through this stuff with someone)
That, and a session with MDMA will work wonders