Confidence usually comes from something. Sometimes it is innate. For those less lucky, it generally comes from preparation and just as important, the belief in the work you put in to be ready for w/e talk you're giving.
Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
11–20 of 78 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
#12Join Toastmasters and take up a role every meeting, be it with table topics, evaluations or another role.
You are then in a safe environment where everyone wants to see you succeed and give you help.
Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
#13You are being asked those questions because you are seen as an expert in the matter or as an "authority" (by expertise) in general. First, I think it should be okay to answer "I don't know" if you don't know. If you feel like this is okay it should become easier. If you lose confidence when your managers are around I would start asking myself why this is the case? Are you afraid that they will judge you? Do you have…
Seconding "impromptu theater." Or, as I was going to say, improv comedy. Improv will make you much more comfortable with 1) trusting your instincts, 2) keeping your cool when you can't immediately think of what to say or get an unexpected reaction to what you do say.
If that doesn't sound like your jam, maybe look into a speech class or Toastmasters. I know you're already comfortable speaking in front of large groups, but you'll have an opportunity to practice extemporaneous speech (speech with very limited prep), which should be directly applicable to your situation.
Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
#14I don't know if it's going to help you specifically, but what's helped me is to slow down. Basically, if you can't prepare ahead of time, take the time to prepare your answers in the moment.
Acknowledge the question, repeat it back slowly to make sure you understood it right, be silent for a while thinking about the response.
Then beware that it's fine to say "I don't know but I can look it up" or "can we come back to this in a few minutes? I would like to let it stew a bit" or "I will give you a proper answer later but if I'm allowed to speculate wildly just to keep the discussion flowing..."
Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
#15> Any one who has overcome this fear Yes, but you're not going to like the answer: I stopped caring. Not because that is the best solution, but the only one that worked for me with my limited skill set. I focus on the topic and blatantly assume that my contribution outweighs my presentational shortcomings. People keep seeking my input despite that, so the sum must be a net positive or everybody is just crazy. I read…
I remember in earlier days of Tesla, Elon Musk was not really great at his presentation skills. Looking at him I was like I might just be able to pull off my presentations like him. Kinda helped with my confidence.
People really don't care. They might chuckle for a moment if you really goofed up but they forget very fast. It's us who amplify what others might be thinking. Someone said it rightly:
We suffer more in imagination than in reality.
Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
#16One theory about anxiety is that there is a self reinforcing cycle:
Feel anxiety - attention on own body language - less attention on others - less effective communication - feel more anxiety
The theory then goes, that the way to break the cycle is, when you find yourself paying attention to your own body language, resolve to concentrate instead on making the communication effective. Look outward, not inward. Ask clarifying questions, find out the context, look for people who might want to ask their own question but are too nervous etc.
This creates a positive cycle. You become better at communication, and your body language improves as you stop feeling that your are at the mercy of the situation.
Other people are not actually interested in whether you are feeling nervous, they just want to communicate. They will forget fumbles if you move past them yourself.
Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
#17Doing technical sales helped me the most as the incentives and feedback for effective human interaction were very clear.
Doing customer support was great for acclimatising to talking to people who were upset.
Improv has been excellent for commoditising awkwardness in a safe space and is just a lot of fun.
Mainly it’s the same as getting good at most things:
- do it often
- get good feedback
- have good mentors
- learn from those who do it effectively
Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
#18Take an improv class.
Like 6 times a week you'll have to go up in front of a dozen other students. Just that repetition really helped my stage fright.
Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
#19Please try an improvised theatre / acting group for a while - you will learn everything needed in a safe and playful environment.
Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety
#20> Any one who has overcome this fear Yes, but you're not going to like the answer: I stopped caring. Not because that is the best solution, but the only one that worked for me with my limited skill set. I focus on the topic and blatantly assume that my contribution outweighs my presentational shortcomings. People keep seeking my input despite that, so the sum must be a net positive or everybody is just crazy. I read…
I remember in earlier days of Tesla, Elon Musk was not really great at his presentation skills. Looking at him I was like I might just be able to pull off my presentations like him. Kinda helped with my confidence. People really don't care. They might chuckle for a moment if you really goofed up but they forget very fast. It's us who amplify what others might be thinking. Someone said it rightly: We suffer more in im…
Then there's my case, I spoke in an insanely monotonous, mind numbing way during presentations (which I was unaware of), and all the teachers in school lied to me and pretended nothing was wrong to not hurt my feelings or something. There my classmates suffered in reality, or at least I would have.
Teachers, please don't do this, do your fucking job and be honest. School is the best time to work on things like this.