Ask HN: I love to be alone. But this loneliness is killing me

I know a number of people who decided that they were introverts in the last 5-8 years, but what I notice is that they don't seem to respond to human interaction (3 to 5 people) with tiredness, but with excitement. Meanwhile they talk about being depressed.

Certainly, I have times that I don't like being around people (when I'm trying to get work done) and times that I do (when I want to be entertained/drink/celebrate). I'd be surprised if many people don't have such a conditional response. There was a lot of promotion of introversion as a personality type within the geek community not long after social media became completely ubiquitous. I can easily see people getting tired of dealing with people on line and then not wanting to deal with people as much in person, but that doesn't seem like introversion to me, it just sounds like too much FB/Insta/Reddit.

being around people takes effort. It is easy to get used to that lack of effort and mistake it for "loving to be alone".

For the last two years I worked from my bed and would mostly be in bed all day. I train brazilian jiu jitsu so do leave the house for that. Im also married with 3 kids so I leave the house when they make me. It is easy to not expend energy and just stay home, laying in bed all day. During covid I could easily not leave the house for a week. For me that was living my best life.

About 2 weeks ago I started working sitting at my home office desk. It was actually hard at first, but over the course of a week I got used to sitting up again. Going out to develop relationships is the same way. It might be exhausting at first, but it gets easier the more you do it.

The easiest way to not be alone is to start a hobby that is with other people. I have never participated in one where people didnt start hanging out together. It will be at your pace and you can show up or not show up whenever you want.

I personally do sports, but it could be volunteer work, board games, coding clubs, etc.

The great Britney Spears once said…

“Lost in an image, in a dream But there's no one there to wake her up And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning But tell me, what happens when it stops?”

Here, she completely sees the delusion of identity and the larger material world of delusion. Her only mistake is assuming it will stop when in reality the wheel of time has no beginning and only a theoretical end when all beings no longer experience it(time).

I always thought I loved to be alone, I was always forced to be not alone. I think I prefer not be be alone.

I think can relate. My impression is that i can be really creative e.g. writing music mostly when I am alone for a substantial period of time. Looks like the terms "melancholic void" or "intellectual loneliness" match that experience quite well.