If you have felt like you were on the verge of being fired for a full decade, I think that might be a sign that you are actually indispensable despite how they feel about you. And because of that, they have piled the work onto your plate. The only way to break free is to find a new job, at least eventually. My advice is to try to relax&sleep now while you can, enjoy the new addition to your family, update your resume, start looking for new employers, and do the bare minimum at work to get by. At least you can use the “baby kept me up all night” excuse now to hide your lack of motivation.
Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
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Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#12You don't need to be a fast talker to get a job as a programmer. If you haven't left your job in 10 years you might be able to double your salary with a move.
Send me your resume, my email is in my profile. Happy to take a look.
Being a dad is a lot of work, but caring is the most important part. For the first few months finding sleep is very difficult, and supporting your spouse will be important, but other than that it's pretty simple.
It's good that you are freaking out now, it means you need to freak out less later.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#13You need parental leave. Not only for your mental health, but so you can support mama and baby. You should not be thinking about work AT ALL for the first 90 days of baby's life. Do whatever you can to get as much parental leave as you possibly can. Be there for baby and mama, and then -- only then, after baby is a few months old and your partner has healed a bit -- should you start worrying about your job and financ…
Agree with this one 100%. Don't listen to the "bootstraps" and antis in the thread.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#14Earlier quoted context omitted.
Please lawd let this be sarcasm. OP needs to treat this and respond like the emergency it is or is in for a world of pain. Buckle down, clean up the resume, and start getting in front of anyone who will employ someone competent enough to sling code. Hope is not a strategy and “it’ll work out” is naivety and survivorship bias’ love child. 12 million kids live in poverty in the US, for example.
OP seems to currently be employed as a programmer, on the verge of having a kid and very stressed. He is not into abject poverty yet. Relaxing is a good advice actually. People don’t take good decision under intense stress. That’s why burnout is so pernicious. It removes your ability to objectively look at what’s happening. Even if the situation requires actions, calming down and taking the time necessary to realise…
Relaxing is probably the wrong word. You should approach the situation like you’re a first responder arriving at the crash scene: prepared to act and stowing your emotion. Maybe they can take time? Depends on burn rate, savings, and estimated time to next role. Can’t know without insight into OPs finances.
I agree panicking doesn’t help; it’s a call to action. When not at their day job, their job is to find a new job outside of business hours.
(I would propose different advice for someone not in the US, who might have parental leave available and a more robust social safety system)
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#15Are you able to get some paternity leave through your current job? Maybe some leave could help buy you some time, both to relax with your baby and get your resume into shape.
Agreed. Go on paternity leave, it'll provide some distance and maybe some time to interview.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#16You could try to change jobs before kiddo arrives, and line up start date 2 months or however long you want to take off. Start by having conversations and not putting so much pressure on yourself, plenty of teams need someone with experience.
I left a job with a few weeks to go until birth, which allowed me to prep in a different way, by fixing things around the house, preparing food, getting baby stuff etc. I accepted an offer back at BigCo the week baby arrived with a start date that was about two months out.
I definitely leaned into my savings, but I kind of valued not having my first kids birth being held over my head at a job that I wasn’t thrilled with.
Of course this was possible because my wife and I were both working and had solid savings cushions.
Happy to talk if you want, our kiddo is 3months this week and it’s been an amazing ride. Plenty of people have done it with fewer resources, you can do it OP!
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#17Not sure where you are - but in my situation having my 2nd son right in March 2020, I had (and still have) a job with the government. I had 6 months paid pat leave (full salary) and relatively low stress.
Wouldn't even consider taking a more stressful job until the kids are older, as the trade-off isn't worth it.
All that being said, you need to factor in your partners job, and cost of living wherever you are.
For me, being a dad has been awesome, even through COVID, I hope you can find a way to enjoy it.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#18* don’t quit your job just yet. Having multiple balls in the air all at the same time will add to your anxiety
* if your baby is healthy, the first 2-3 years are not the most expensive years. You’ll predominately need to be present and support. This will give you time to change jobs and your lifestyle if necessary to increase your finances
* pre-school and primary school is expensive
* parenting is not terribly difficult however, if you are attentive and willing to have regular conversations with you partner (setting goals together, etc), you’ll be fine
I’m a dad with adult kids. Treat everything above as advice. Use what you want, throw out what’s not useful for you. All the best of luck mate!
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#19You need parental leave. Not only for your mental health, but so you can support mama and baby. You should not be thinking about work AT ALL for the first 90 days of baby's life. Do whatever you can to get as much parental leave as you possibly can. Be there for baby and mama, and then -- only then, after baby is a few months old and your partner has healed a bit -- should you start worrying about your job and financ…
Definitely agree with this - in 2022 this just seems humane more than anything.
Re: Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?
#20Based on how it's going with some of my friends now, the next few months/year might just end up being a blur until things stabilize a little.
I suspect you're better at your job than you think. I certainly wouldn't suffer having someone on the team I wanted to fire for 10 years. It does sound like you're tired of your job though.
Take whatever paternity leave you can. If you can afford one, look into getting a night nurse, which can help relieve the stress for you and the mother.
Since you've been at the job for 10 years, my guess is that if you can find another one, you'll likely be paid more. Interviewing is intimidating, but not everyone has a nightmare parade of leetcode questions. You're absolutely going to strike out at interviews. You just have to accept that, there are likely companies that you'd be a perfect fit for.
I don't know anything about your work now, but if you're looking for a place that gives you a little more breathing room, why not look into City/State/University jobs? Former classmates who took jobs working on city systems may not be making the most, but they got great benefits, good wlb, and a pension coming to them.