We share money. It's not "mine" or "hers", it's "ours". That works for us, but I can see why it might not work for everyone.
Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
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Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#12I am currently the main provider and my wife works part time while in school. All money is our money no matter who earned it. It’s never been a point of debate or emotions other than “oh we got more money this month, cool!” in the event of a bonus or extra income. We have a budget and try to stick to it and have occasional vacations or upgrade something in the house. When it comes to finances we are a single unit and…
Similar situation in our household. The only potential issue that could have come up is if one of us would have to relocate due to a potential career move and the other would have to follow and potentially hurt their own career. But due to the rise of remote work in recent years I doubt this would ever come up.
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#13I am currently the main provider and my wife works part time while in school. All money is our money no matter who earned it. It’s never been a point of debate or emotions other than “oh we got more money this month, cool!” in the event of a bonus or extra income. We have a budget and try to stick to it and have occasional vacations or upgrade something in the house. When it comes to finances we are a single unit and…
Love this in concept, but life turns out to be complicated over the long term. It's easy to say it's "our" money when you both agree on the same goals and life trajectory, but people have a propensity for change. In 10 years, what if your life goals start diverging? Will it still be "our" money?
This isn't a personal question for you, but more something to consider even for myself. I love simplicity and I love trust. But through the years I've experienced relationships that transform from pure love and admiration to pure confusion and being on completely different pages. This may be because I'm young, and maybe relationships become more straightforward later in life. But something tells me people never become less complicated, maybe they just become more complacent.
That all being said, I recognize that sometimes overthinking or planning for the worst can be a form of self-sabotage. By you trusting your partner with the things most important to you, including money, you are creating a stronger bond by laying it all out on the table and working as a single unit towards your life goals.
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#14Uhh I'm not even married and reading this feels like more of a self-report than anything. Caring about money (which has fundamentally no real value - "I've never seen a Brinks truck follow a hearse") more than your partner is a huge red flag and like another commenter said, there are only a few likely outcomes from where you are right now. Best of luck to you.
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#15My wife makes about 5-6x what I make
But I do make $200k/y
So what we do is that her money is hers and mine is mine
If she wants to spend her money on joint things like our house than that’s fine but I am clear with her whenever I won’t join those projects because I can’t afford it
It’s been working just fine
I know from friends though that it can be a issue if one of the partners has a income below a certain threshold
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#16I am currently the main provider and my wife works part time while in school. All money is our money no matter who earned it. It’s never been a point of debate or emotions other than “oh we got more money this month, cool!” in the event of a bonus or extra income. We have a budget and try to stick to it and have occasional vacations or upgrade something in the house. When it comes to finances we are a single unit and…
This seems like the healthiest approach I've seen so far in the thread. Honestly surprised hearing about managing incentives, and accounting for this and that. My wife and I also just have one big pot of money. We budget and spend from shared accounts and financial services. We talk through major financial moves (investments/purchases) before either executes. I cannot imagine having my life this intimately entwined with someone else, but then carving out our finances as something to keep separate and negotiate over.
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#17I personally like to split up the idea. While I make the money in the household, I have the power on how I want to spend my money (I can blow all our savings on GME stocks). BUT as a couple, we both have equal say on where we are now and where we want to be. Like if my spouse wants to buy a house in five years, and I agree, then we would work towards that goal. Who makes the money doesn’t get more authority in making that decision.
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#18It's been really easy since the divorce.
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#19I wonder how she would feel if the situation was reversed.
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#20I'm at the 2x mark with my wife.
It's both your money. Jealous and bitter? Her money? You both just need to grow up and realize you're married and on the same team.
It might be different if you were both struggling to make ends meet, but you're wealthy. You made it. Be happy about that.