Ask HN: Will I Ever Recover?

Think of it this way. If you didn't do this for 7 years, would you have regretted it ? There are lot of people who are stuck in their miserable corporate/shitty jobs and want to do their own thing. Are they really better off than you ? I would say No. You did something YOU wanted to do. Even if it failed, you learned a lot and should have no regrets. You did what you wanted to do. Many of us don't have that luxury or the guts.

I'm currently fully burned out at my job and contemplating (and soon working towards) a career shift from fintech to something (hopefully) more creative. It's absolutely terrifying, in a capitalist society, to consider voluntarily leaving a high-paying job with no guarantee of finding a better one, especially when there are mortgages and bills to pay; so I fully relate to the fear and depression and misery. Especially when I've had four years of being proud of what I contributed to my job, and now hate it all.

All I can say is good luck, friend, and hopefully we'll both find a better source of both income and fulfillment soon!

It's very normal to have multiple identities/modes/stages of life, but we only begin to appreciate this after we've been through a couple (aka with age). In the beginning our first identity or two is all we've ever known, so its loss is extremely scary and feels catastrophic.

I felt the same way after leaving my 1st job of 10 years out of college. It was like mourning a death. I was "an employee at X", I was good at it, I liked it. So it was so very worrying, frightful, and confusing when that season of life began to pass, and I was no longer happy with what up to that point had been everything I had been looking for.

Some resources you may find interesting:

[1] On average, friendships last about 7 years (indirectly suggesting that WE tend to change in identities every 7 years or so) - https://mwfseekingbff.com/2012/11/07/friendship-the-seven-ye...

[2] Transitions: Making Sense Of Life's Changes by William Bridges - A great book on the transitions of life, and how society today tries to rush through them, but they are deeply important and must be given the appropriate honor, time, and space. I read this when I was struggling with my own career transition, and it was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. Only by letting transitions run their courses fully can you set healthy foundations for the next stages of your life (and the next stage WILL be fruitful, even if life is full of murkiness and confusion right now).

I'm 51. 37 is younger than you think it is.

Take 2-3 statements or other advice that you believe is wise and helpful to you in this transition. Write them down on an index card (not in your phone, not electronic), keep it with you and read it frequently (don't just recall those statements, read them).

Remind yourself they are true regardless of how you feel. Emotions are often influenced more than controlled.

Take actions as you are able that support or aligned with those truths. Regardless of how you feel.

Tell close friends and/or family that you are working to really believe those truths.

Then give it time. At least months, maybe years. Time heals many wounds. The process above will hopefully shave off some of that time.