Yes, get out as soon as you can( with a new gig in hand). Its not worth it.
Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
11–20 of 31 posts
Re: Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
#12I currently do. One of my managers complains bitterly about meetings, management decisions and people he dislikes to a usual group of people he feels he trusts (which I am sadly in, and he will trash members of that group whilst talking other members also), he generally exhibits little empathy and frequently declares work he organizes to be easy, discourages dissent in estimates in sprint planning and then needles pe…
That sounds awful. Especially noticing it changes you as a person.
I hope you find a way to deal with it that is acceptable.
Re: Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
#13No post body was provided.
Re: Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
#14Yes, I did. I wish I didn't. If it wasn't financially constraining, I would have left that job sooner. The emotional damage lasts, though its dependent on the person. Run before it hurts your pride and confidence.
Re: Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
#15For a lot of people in (senior) management, their primary skill is bullying other people to do their job for them, get things done their way, get it done faster, etc. It's not some unfortunate personality issue that they could stop doing, it's a core part of how they operate. Of course, explicit bullying and abuse are not acceptable, so these people are also experts in plausible deniability, implying things but not w…
“You have to learn to deal with it.”
Society would be so much better if this suggestion were recognized to be as problematic as the behaviors and situations it is suggested for.
Yes, you have to decide how you will handle these situations and individuals.
No, you do not just have to learn to deal with it.
No, you do not need to learn to reciprocate.
Both of these actions reward the bad behavior. You even point out that perceptible bullying isn’t ok, so the bullies have evolved. They got sneakier. So why is it that sneaky bullying is ok? No, it won’t go away, not if we decide it is to be tolerated.
These are choices that lead to outcomes. And that advice sounds no better than the advice to “just toughen up” or “stop whining” that I’m sure many remember hearing (or delivering) in their youths.
If time is money, so is mental health, and you would not believe the conversion rate on that one.
As for the first two paragraphs? I agree.
Re: Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
#16[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
#17For a lot of people in (senior) management, their primary skill is bullying other people to do their job for them, get things done their way, get it done faster, etc. It's not some unfortunate personality issue that they could stop doing, it's a core part of how they operate. Of course, explicit bullying and abuse are not acceptable, so these people are also experts in plausible deniability, implying things but not w…
“You have to learn to deal with it.” Society would be so much better if this suggestion were recognized to be as problematic as the behaviors and situations it is suggested for. Yes, you have to decide how you will handle these situations and individuals. No, you do not just have to learn to deal with it. No, you do not need to learn to reciprocate. Both of these actions reward the bad behavior. You even point out th…
When you have to handle someone with kid gloves that requires more time & effort than someone has.
There’s a reason most execs write curt emails, b/c they have 1001 things to handle and your feelings rank low.
Toughening up is about acknowledging that your emotional well being is not everyone’s #1 priority. You are responsible for that, and nobody else.
Re: Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
#18Yes I was a young project manager and assigned impossible project deliverables that even the people 3-4 levels up the org-chart could not get done with their political capital within the business.
In a matrix organisation with different programs trying to get other departments to work on your program and fight competing programs, it was a death sentence.
This was then used against me in performance reviews.
If I had any advice it would be to raise the issue with the wider business to make it clear that it’s not your fault that impossible thing x did not get done and complain loudly to hr and higher ups about bullying.
It was rats on a sinking ship and people trying to deflect blame on the lower rungs.
Re: Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
#19I am aware of situations like this. An employee I know was given a completely false performance evaluations despite having been one of the most productive people in her team. Members of her team and other teams had previously praised her for her contributions towards helping them and their organization. One day out of the blue one day she was told she was under-performing. Then she was given a "test task" to "improve her performance". The task given was extremely challenging with very short timescales and after she delivered it in time, she was told it was not good enough for nitpicky reasons.
I do not find this situation unusual at all. I am even aware of cases that led to suicides. Issues like this are prevalent in every organization, private or governmental that I have any knowledge of. Even the UN is not free of such issues : https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0018ljw
There is an opportunity here for a sociologist to do some good research to explain why this is such a common problem and what can be done about. However at the root of the problem is the fact that laws pertaining to work place bullying are almost non-existent in most countries. There are some laws pertaining to "harassment" which is like bullying but only when applied to protected categories. This is another opportunity for a political scientist to investigate why do almost all countries not have well developed laws against workplace bullying. It doesn't take a genius to propose hypothesis regarding both these questions. It may take a genius to provide incontrovertible scientific evidence substantiating any such hypothesis.
If any such scholarly work is made available and widely circulate, it could be used to raise public awareness and apply political pressure for better legislation. Which family has not had to deal with stress due to work ? Which family has not felt strained by these experiences ?
There is also an opportunity for some bold and enterprising technical person to start a social platform that allows sharing of information with legal protection. Information that would allow prospective job applicants to get authentic and potentially verifiable information about organizations and individuals. If such a platform can be created, protected and made self sustaining it would make a big difference.
Finally these is an opportunity for artists to create moving works of art and literature that raise social consciousness and change attitudes so that the "bosses" get the social experience they deserve out side their offices where they pretend to be "normal people" (who don't drive others to suicide and don't feel guilty about anything).
As much as I would like to hope for a better future, progress in these matters in the near future seems unlikely to me, for reasons explained very clearly in this sources
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/perspectives-on-poli...
Re: Ask HN: Have you ever worked under an abusive boss?
#20I've faced such bosses multiple times in my career. Once upon a time I put up with it and rationalized it as some necessary evil. More recently I've left jobs because of it.
Nowadays, I recognize it as an inherent consequence of capitalism; with few exceptions, workers lack the bargaining power to resist abuse, be it from the ownership class or from fellow workers appointed as "managers" and given the bare minimum scraps of power over the rest of us for them to feel like honorary members of the ownership class. The rational play is to accept that no corporation is your friend; your boss will drop you in the blink of an eye, and it's in your best interests to maximize your ability and willingness to reciprocate.