11–19 of 19 posts
How did you end up breaking up?
It was very abrupt. Our marriage was difficult but I always believed we could figure it out. I think we both felt exactly the same way about each other at the end. She filed for divorce.
If you do not mind can you explain this bit more? it is not clear what the reason for divorce?
I've sent you a message via twitter already, but if you're interested, take a peak at my other post [1]. Would love to have a more sustained, understanding conversation with you.
All the best, Sam
When a relationship ends, there is a loss, often a deep one. And because cognitive dissonance is hard, we automatically reinforce rather than balance that feeling of loss. So right now you're focusing on how this is terrible and a major negative in your life and how wonderful she was - catastrophizing the breakup rather than coping with it.
Try making a list of everything that you didn't like about her and the relationship. Also make a list of everything you don't like about the future potential of that relationship. Remind yourself of the things on these lists regularly. A key one to include: given that she ended things "abruptly" you likely feel abandoned. So let me ask you this: knowing what you know now about her, do you think she'd stay by your bedside when you're on your deathbed? However bad it is to be abandoned now, it's much worse to be abandoned when you're alone and scared.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-recover-fr...
The first step is to accept that she doesn’t love you anymore and you will never be together again. The longer you refuse to accept this, the longer it will take for you to move on. Accepting the hurtful reality is very very hard. But it is a necessary step to move on. If you don’t, you will continue living in emotional limbo the rest of your life.
There's a CBT technique called reframing. When you have powerful automatic emotional responses, try to reframe them in a more balanced way. When a relationship ends, there is a loss, often a deep one. And because cognitive dissonance is hard, we automatically reinforce rather than balance that feeling of loss. So right now you're focusing on how this is terrible and a major negative in your life and how wonderful she…
The first step is to accept that she doesn’t love you anymore and you will never be together again. The longer you refuse to accept this, the longer it will take for you to move on. Accepting the hurtful reality is very very hard. But it is a necessary step to move on. If you don’t, you will continue living in emotional limbo the rest of your life.
I know you're right but just reading what wrote makes me feel queasy. Things ended so abruptly im not sure that we dont still love each other. There's a good chance that I'm fooling myself though. ughh
Life is sometimes unfair, cruel, and painful. Accept it. And do the best you can with the time you have left. If you don’t you will continue to suffer for no good reason.
This might help:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/therapy-types/acceptance-...