It's totally okay, I don't know why you should care.
IQ is not some moral value. Support her in life, and make sure she gets a job that get her by in life without much suffering, and be glad you have a daughter that's mentally well.
Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
11–20 of 41 posts
Re: Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
#12IQ testing and "gifted" labelling is as toxic as any other. Look at how many prodigies say life was distorted.
Keep bright kids active, extended? Sure. But maintain links to your peer group.
The cohort of people in the beyond normal bucket is tiny. Building dreams by hothousing is intellectual child abuse in most cases.
Every "mensa" child I knew as a kid was an arrogant fuckhead. (I'm average, or below. Content.)
My dad was super smart. He didn't push us. He said "regression tends to the mean" at the time, which I didn't understand but maybe now I do kinda. Aspire to be socially average but above normal productive, and maximise what you have judiciously
Re: Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
#13It might be helpful to specify more precisely what's distressing to you about this.
Well, my morose nature is to be distressed by most situations :-)
But, I feel like it's typical for "average" parents to seek help for dealing with their gifted children. I've read a bit about that online. Haven't seen much about the opposite.
Imagine a parent who is proud of their child's precocity. What's the opposite of pride? Shame? Do I feel some shame? Maybe a smidge. Love is definitely the predominant feeling. Thank God.
Re: Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
#14Yeah. My son has a very different intelligence than me. I learned to read when I was 3 as did his mom. My son was slow to read. I home schooled him in math a bit, he never really got algebra but I had to improve my ability to do mental arithmetic to keep up with him. He beats me at chess.
Thank you for sharing. Would love to see anecdotal stories like this, even with different endings.
Re: Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
#15I have an IQ of 130 or a bit more (last I checked, it was many years). I have never gotten my daughter's IQ tested. If she has an IQ of 102, but is emotionally balanced, she's got a bright future. One of the features of an emotionally gifted/balanced/well-adjusted person, is their ability to use all of their mental powers to bear on a problem, without letting their wishes or fears overwhelm their intellect. Plenty of…
> If she ever needs to make any decisions that require differential equations, she'll have plenty of friends she can ask for help on that.
Beautifully put. Thank you.
Re: Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
#16Remember that she's only a child, and has talents that are different than yours.
Don't expect her to live up to who you are, because she's not you.
Try to remember what it was like to be a kid.
Make time to organize playdates and discuss behavior and development with her peers' parents. You'll find that it's easy to normalize her behavior when you realize that everyone struggles with their kids.
Re: Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
#17It might be helpful to specify more precisely what's distressing to you about this.
Well, my morose nature is to be distressed by most situations :-) But, I feel like it's typical for "average" parents to seek help for dealing with their gifted children. I've read a bit about that online. Haven't seen much about the opposite. Imagine a parent who is proud of their child's precocity. What's the opposite of pride? Shame? Do I feel some shame? Maybe a smidge. Love is definitely the predominant feeling.…
You are ashamed your child is pretty much like every other child? Am I reading that right? That seems really strange.
My tip would be to just let the child be average. Do you think your higher IQ has made you happier throughout your life? Nothing bad about being average.
Re: Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
#18In my experience, attitude trumps IQ in pretty much all situations.
Most humans are average in what they do. Potential doesn't matter, only reality does. Focusing on potential is what arrogant people that are lazy like to do, but mostly no one else cares.
You are the perfect example: > I am now a below-average performer at an elite company
Teach her to have mentality of curiosity, lifelong learning and humility and everything will be just fine.
Re: Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
#19Earlier quoted context omitted.
Well, my morose nature is to be distressed by most situations :-) But, I feel like it's typical for "average" parents to seek help for dealing with their gifted children. I've read a bit about that online. Haven't seen much about the opposite. Imagine a parent who is proud of their child's precocity. What's the opposite of pride? Shame? Do I feel some shame? Maybe a smidge. Love is definitely the predominant feeling.…
You are ashamed your child is pretty much like every other child? Am I reading that right? That seems really strange. My tip would be to just let the child be average. Do you think your higher IQ has made you happier throughout your life? Nothing bad about being average.
[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: Any Parents to “Average” Children?
#20This post makes me really sad. I wonder if my parents thought this about me when I was growing up. My dad's pretty smart,and probably knew I was dumb when I couldn't beat him at chess/mental math when I was younger. My mom and sister were voracious readers but I never was.
Like your daughter, I'm average. I didn't go to an elite university. I make average pay and don't own a Mercedes. What's bad about that? Do you have pity on average people like me, who make up the vast majority of the population?