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Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

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Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#11

Post by nefitty »

themodelplumber wrote: post #3

Wow. Yeah it sounds like your intuition is calling out an important issue. Personally I have three almost-teens and we had to learn the best parenting style for each kid as well as for ourselves and the ways we interfaced with those children. When we got medical advice that was really off, we generally ended up changing providers. Overall it was most important to learn each child's pace and preferences early on, so w…

This is reassuring. I don't have kids, but I'm already stressed out about not messing up my potential future children.

On the same note, to paraphrase Penn & Teller, anyone who feels compelled to obsess over their child's development is probably going to do fine, by virtue of their concern. Kids just need you to love and care for them, the best you can, not perfectly.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#12

Post by spicyusername »

You eventually get to the place where the milestones are so far apart you forget to care about tracking them and instead just assess things every now and again to get a read on whether you need to tweak your parenting style or whether your kids are getting what they need from their environment.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#13

Post by pyuser583 »

Your project is atypical. Generally the number of person-hours declines after the first major release.

After the release of version 1.0, you’re probably going to spend increasing amount of time in maintenance. This will reach its peak around version 13.0.

Shortly after version 13.0, the deployments will become increasingly difficult. Integrations with other programs will become unstable.

The need for maintenance will increase, but the program will be bloated, the environment complicated, and developer experience will decline significantly.

If the budget allows, offshore development and send her to boarding school.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#15

Post by babyservices »

Put yourself in your daughter’s booties: what would you want from your parents? Probably love, kindness and support: so, ask yourself, what’s your best expression of love, kindness and support? For some parents, rigidly following a plan is that, for others, a free-wheeling “what feels right today?” approach is best.

Ultimately, you answer only to your daughter and not a doctor or a parent group or a 1000 week Plan. The only thing I begrudge my parents for is being miserable through my childhood, because children soak up their atmosphere.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#16

Post by gumby »

Interesting; we went the other way with our doctor: only telling us metrics that we need worry about (there were none) like height/weight too high or low for the age etc.

Instead we just focused on having fun together.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#19

Post by kfarr »

I would ignore milestones and focus on helping them and you be in the "flow" as much as possible while physically together, and do your best to help to remove blockers as they present themselves. Just like you can't realistically estimate any engineering project, focusing on strict milestone delivery dates is focusing on the wrong part of the human development lifecycle.

Re: Ask HN: Is This Parenting or Scrum?

#20

Post by gumby »

nefitty wrote: post #11
themodelplumber wrote: post #3

Wow. Yeah it sounds like your intuition is calling out an important issue. Personally I have three almost-teens and we had to learn the best parenting style for each kid as well as for ourselves and the ways we interfaced with those children. When we got medical advice that was really off, we generally ended up changing providers. Overall it was most important to learn each child's pace and preferences early on, so w…

This is reassuring. I don't have kids, but I'm already stressed out about not messing up my potential future children. On the same note, to paraphrase Penn & Teller, anyone who feels compelled to obsess over their child's development is probably going to do fine, by virtue of their concern. Kids just need you to love and care for them, the best you can, not perfectly.

> I don't have kids, but I'm already stressed out about not messing up my potential future children.

People are full of unasked advice* (esp but not only relatives). If you read a bunch of books you'll find they offer opposite advice. So we found it handy when someone said "oh you must do X and stop doing Y" we learnt to say, "Funny you should say that because book Z said the opposite!" Eventually we realized you didn't need to read the book in the first place; you could still say that.

One super weird thing is that people seem to want to tell horror stories to pregnant women ("I was in labour for 20 hours", "this terrible thing went wrong"). I don't know why they are so mean; in the overwhelming number of cases they are fine -- else nobody would have more than one!

* I assume your comment was an "ask" :-)

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