11–20 of 96 posts
- An SSRI treatment, because generalized anxiety doesn't usually go away on its own.
- Heavy schedule compartimentalization.
- At least a moderate level of daily physical activity.
- 9 hours of sleep.
- Minimize caffeine & alcohol intake.
Having been here a lot of times.. Fuck the client or the boss, it's important to me that I put my best work forward. Even if it makes no difference to me financially. Even if their stupid company will go down in flames. Even if I don't want to wake up tomorrow and look at their piece of shit online store / dumbass genZ insta-sales emails / customer can't click button on iphone / server collapsed because Amazon EC2 We…
> On the other hand, consider yourself the bright spot in
> the day for everyone who has no fucking clue what's going on.
I kind of developed that after hearing "people never remember what you say or do, people remember how you made them feel". Even the cop who pulls me over gets a smile and a "good morning".
I think that if just half of people did this, we would live in such a nicer world. This is the definition of civilization that I like best.
This is probably a core reason for your problem. I would bet that you find it difficult to adapt to the new normal. You now have less time to yourself and many more constraints to deal with. That's just super stressful. Here's my advice as a not-so-new father:
1. It's OK to be stressed. Don't stress out over your stress level (Meta Stress).
2. Things will get better.
3. Take some you-time. Do whatever helps you. Cardio is an excellent idea, like jogging through brisk winter air. But make sure to communicate and coordinate this time with your SO.
4. Get your priorities straight. Once I made the conscious decision that kids are more important than work, I could let go of work projects easily when a child became sick and needed care. Communicate this openly with coworkers and bosses.
5. Plan for vacations and other breaks auch that you have one every two months. For instance, maybe the kid(s) likes a weekend with the grandparents? Or the family goes to the zoo every once in a while? This will help to reset your stress level.
Watch some youtube videos to learn something.
if doing something causes problems, don’t repeat it.
Don’t fight reality, get better at predicting it.
There are vast resources available from books to many good youtube videos.
Getting a formal assessment is fairly expensive but screening tests are free.
https://novopsych.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Autism-S...
https://novopsych.com.au/assessments/diagnosis/autism-spectr...
https://www.aspietests.org/userdetails.php?target=raads/inde...
Mostly it is about managing your levels of stress and knowing your limits. And lots of good strategies rather than therapy. One thing I realized is I need a lot more sleep than I had been getting. And I need to ration social 'work' (that's how it feels - hard work).
Autistic people are very prone to trauma - basically they are hyperspensitive to many stiumuli and emotions - so there may be residual trauma to deal with. But there are multiple ways to do that.
a) Lifting heavy weights, either at home or gym.
b) Reading
c) Any hobby that you find fulfilling, if you have time. If you don't just enjoy every second you have with your baby.
It takes a lot of effort. There's no magic fix like sleeping more or going for a run. They make me feel a bit better, but the problem is still there.
[1] My partner is a therapist (not an arrogant one though), and she says what I do is 'catastrophizing behavior', where I look for things to worry about. She's entirely right. My issue is 100% not fixed but it's not a problem any more. If anything it actually makes me a much better developer.
I turn the mic off and scream several times a day when the stupidity gets too strong. Sometimes I punch my desk - I would not advise this unless you have a sturdy one, but it is very cathartic.
Having been here a lot of times.. Fuck the client or the boss, it's important to me that I put my best work forward. Even if it makes no difference to me financially. Even if their stupid company will go down in flames. Even if I don't want to wake up tomorrow and look at their piece of shit online store / dumbass genZ insta-sales emails / customer can't click button on iphone / server collapsed because Amazon EC2 We…
I'd like to stress this: > On the other hand, consider yourself the bright spot in > the day for everyone who has no fucking clue what's going on. You've put into words the way I live. No matter how upset or angry I am, no matter how much traffic or rain was on my drive, no matter how much code was lost, I try to be the thing that people in my life look forward to. Always make other people feel better after talking t…
I love doing end-user customer service. I'm incredibly thankful for being shielded from it 99% of the time, and I'd run off into the woods if I wasn't. But I love when I get to talk to them and just walk them through something. It's like any interaction that gives me some thought. I have MAGA neighbors. I have antifa neighbors. (I live in Portland, so). You get to a point where everyone has the same problems, and the only way you can solve them is by being civil with one another. That is civilization.
[edit] Just to reply to the spirit of what you said... there's something very reassuring about just being civil and decent. Pleasant, clear, logical, respectful or doubtful of authority; making yourself a person with other people. This is the ultimate power we all have that can't be taken away by any state or any authority. Civilizing the savages has taken on other connotations, but you can't beat civility. Politesse.