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I recommend F#.
You seem to be concerned with... delivery. I find that the prospect of starting a project that may never get completed is a showstopper for me and so I've let go the idea of ever achieving anything a couple years back. You might discover things are perfectly fine like that.
Maybe you just need some rest. I know everybody is hellbent on doing side projects and moonlighting over here, but seriously, you most likely don't need that to live a full life or even put food on the table and pay the bills.
These days, I start with the premise that everybody is exhausted and feel like shit and that's normal. Hang in there baby, things will get better.
So long as it's not burnout (or depression, etc - a counselor is a great resource here), often the best thing to do is to find other things that excite you in the time you're not at work.
If nothing is interesting, take a break from trying and play video games or watch tv for a year. Youre going to bump up against a lot of potential interests, and one might naturally take off.
For me, that new interest has been electronic music production. And I don’t follow any predefined path. Instead, I just go in the direction it takes me. For now, that’s been developing 4 bar loops and hoarding gear. Those are the antithesis of a productive producer.
But I remember how I got started in software collecting warez and keygens without any real rhyme or reason. That lead to me wanting to know how software was cracked, built, then how businesses and careers were built, learned a lot about leadership as a byproduct of having a career, etc.
So, while it might sound cliche, open your mind and follow your heart and don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s ok to relax, breathe, and enjoy the life you’ve carved out for yourself so far.
- Chip away at your problem or task slowly. Celebrate tiny wins, I just got that tiny function to work, YaY
- A grand project takes time. One often underestimates the time needed to do a task. Break it into really tiny bite sized items.
- consider a different measure of success. Take time to understand deeply the root cause of all failures. Write about it in a daily journal.
- Creativity takes time and effort. Roadblocks are common, Enjoy the process.
A profound shift in thinking came to me after reading Frankl's Man's Search For Meaning. Specifically - meaning chooses you.
When I started out as a programmer, I was so excited about learning how to code, how different languages work, memory management, and other concepts like that. My meaning then was becoming a good programmer. A few years later that changed. I see meaning in utilizing my skills to build product that matter to people.
Maybe programming was your passion in its own right, and maybe that's no longer true. What helps me is stopping to look for meaning in the same place I am used to, and re-ask the question - what do I want to be doing? What is important to me? What will give me meaning? And then go and do it for a while and see what happens.
My best wishes and good luck to you, friend.
Everyone reaches the point where they just want to live in a yurt and milk goats eventually. It's been a fucking rough year or five.
This kind of sounds like depression or anxiety, which most everyone has to some extent now. Loss of interest in normal activities is a key symptom. I've heard that mental health professionals are still trying to figure out how much to pathologize the very bad but mostly normal responses people are having to 2020. Everyone that's having issues should talk to their doctor and/or see a therapist. They know what they are…
The problem with this form of diagnosis is that everything the OP mentioned is in relation to one single activity: programming. It's entirely possible (and should be considered, if the rest of their life is still good) that their interests have simply shifted away from programming without a mental disorder to go along with it.
That said, yeah, take it up with a professional, if only to rule depression out.
If it's really so bad that you're miserable, just take some time off. Either you'll find something else you enjoy doing more and leave programming for good, or you'll eventually be so bored (and broke) that programming might sound appealing again.