Start a startup that keeps track of alcoholic relatives and that allows to inflict remotely controlled electric shocks using an iPhone app, or by default, with a device that detects alcohol in the vicinity.
Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
11–20 of 29 posts
Re: Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
#12Earlier quoted context omitted.
I have thought of doing that, but given that he seemed to be recovering recently and also just started working, I put it off. Also, I'm not sure how much a short visit would help. I'm sorry to hear about your family; thanks for your help.
I was actually thinking of a slightly prolonged visit. I dont know what he does professionally but maybe he could come here and see if there are startups / companies / univs doing interesting things in his field. I was thinking along the lines of -he comes here, meets some people who are doing interesting stuff in his field, finds a footing and passion for the field and gets some direction - perhaps enrolls in a post…
You're spot on there.
He's a lawyer. In fact, he applied for a masters degree here and got into a couple of decent universities. But we were scared that his drinking would go completely out of control here, where drinking (especially binge drinking) is a lot more common than in India. So, he deferred his plans to come here and work for a while in India.
But perhaps a change of scene is really what he needs.
Re: Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
#13Earlier quoted context omitted.
I can try and visit him more often, but I've just started a startup. Perhaps it's time to revise my priorities. Have you considered that he's drinking because it brings out the brother in you? I've never looked at it that way, but if that's the case, me being near him may help.
In the end nobody can change a life except the person whose life it is, but if it were my brother I'd be right there beside him on the off-chance that it would help. Fortunately my brother is not in to stuff like that. It's really tough, and one of those things that you have to deal with as an emigrant that is not in the playbook. Do you have more brothers? If you do can they be of assistance somehow? Does your broth…
Do you have more brothers? If you do can they be of assistance somehow? Does your brother look up to you, see you as a role model? Does he have good friends?
I don't have more brothers, but there are a few family members around my brother to help and support him. However, the generation gap is a problem. He does relate best to me and look up to me as a bit of a role model. He doesn't really have any good friends, not any that he hangs out with.
Sorry to hear about your dad and glad that you took a positive lesson from his life.
Thanks for your help.
Re: Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
#14totally wrong venue for this
Re: Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
#15You should talk to a specialist about this, not HN.
Re: Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
#16Alcohol can be a tough addiction to combat. The addict can't be helped unless they want to be helped. I'd reject jacquesm's idea that his drinking is somehow dependent upon your behavior. There's something else going on in his life that he is having a tough time dealing with.
I'd recommend getting him some medical help. I'm unfortunately not familiar with the options that exist in India.
I also think a change of scenery can be helpful, but it's not the cure. It may help him get to a place where he's ready to admit that he needs help, however. Sometimes people need to hit their rock bottom, but other times exposure to healthy patterns can help them along just as well.
I wish you all the luck in the world. My father struggles with alcoholism and I know the effect it can have on the entire family.
Re: Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
#17There is a book called "The Truth about Addiction and Recovery" that you might find interesting. One of the points it makes is that focusing overly much on the drinking problem tends to make it harder to solve. That resonates with me. My father drank a great deal in his youth, probably to try to drown out memories of his time on the front lines in two wars. He developed a heart problem when I was a little girl, blame…
Thanks, those are some thoughtful points.
Is this the book you recommend? - http://www.amazon.com/Truth-About-Addiction-Recovery-Stanton...
Re: Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
#18Earlier quoted context omitted.
I can try and visit him more often, but I've just started a startup. Perhaps it's time to revise my priorities. Have you considered that he's drinking because it brings out the brother in you? I've never looked at it that way, but if that's the case, me being near him may help.
In the end nobody can change a life except the person whose life it is, but if it were my brother I'd be right there beside him on the off-chance that it would help. Fortunately my brother is not in to stuff like that. It's really tough, and one of those things that you have to deal with as an emigrant that is not in the playbook. Do you have more brothers? If you do can they be of assistance somehow? Does your broth…
At some point, rushing to "be right there beside him on the off-chance that it would help" may be more hurtful than helpful. As you noted in your first comment, maybe "he's drinking because it brings out the brother in you".
The 12-step world has all sorts of theories about these behaviors, under the titles "codependency" or "enabling" or "rescuing" or "detachment". I can't say for sure whether they're right but someone struggling with these issues, like the OP, may want to familiarize themselves with that literature. A reasonably-sized bookstore will have a large section of books about dealing with alcoholism, as a drinker/alcoholic/friend/child/sibling/parent/spouse/adult-child/stepsibling/etc, in every permutation.
Re: Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
#19Start a startup that keeps track of alcoholic relatives and that allows to inflict remotely controlled electric shocks using an iPhone app, or by default, with a device that detects alcohol in the vicinity.
While these kind of novelty accounts may be karmic gold mines on Reddit, I don't think you'll find the HN community a willing participant in this game.
Re: Ask HN: My brother is addicted to alcohol. How do I help him?
#20There is a book called "The Truth about Addiction and Recovery" that you might find interesting. One of the points it makes is that focusing overly much on the drinking problem tends to make it harder to solve. That resonates with me. My father drank a great deal in his youth, probably to try to drown out memories of his time on the front lines in two wars. He developed a heart problem when I was a little girl, blame…
Thanks, those are some thoughtful points. Is this the book you recommend? - http://www.amazon.com/Truth-About-Addiction-Recovery-Stanton...
I believe so. I read it many years ago, but it looks right.