Ask HN: Everybody lies. How do you deal with it though?

Sounds like you've been engaging sociopaths on their own turf, and yes I can see that in that environment everyone lies would be a true statement. Personnally, I don't lie about anything, and I find life to be very simple. I don't have to think about what I told to who, when. But I'm just an old developer who's been in the trenches for a lonng time.

You might read up on the gervais priciple, it explains a lot imo.

https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-...

Can't argue with that.

What sorts of lies are we talking about? What context?

"I love your new haircut!" is a very different lie from "I used to be pen pals with Barack Obama".

Telling a creepy stranger at a bar "I have a boyfriend" is a different sort of lie than saying the same thing to your friend who lives across the country.

And "I've got food poisoning" is a very different "I can't come into work today" excuse/lie than "my grandmother just died".

In each of these juxtapositions, people will judge you less harshly (and you should probably judge yourself less harshly) for the former lie than the latter.

The difference basically boils down to the fact that it's normal, it's not especially harmful, and to a degree it's expected that people sometimes tell transient untruths to grease the wheels of social interaction or get out of an uncomfortable situation.

What's not OK or accepted is to tell lies that misrepresent yourself, your history, or your life situation to someone with whom you have an ongoing personal or professional relationship.

If you're telling the former type of lies, I suggest you find a way to live with the fact that you and everyone else tell them and probably always will.

If you're telling the latter type, you may want to engage in some self-examination as to why. It's the sort of choice that can get you into major difficulties, and it's the sort of problem you can even get professional help for.

"as I have grown older it's become second nature to quickly cook up a lie to get out of an uncomfortable situation"

Thats a terrible habit to have developed. The old idea ideas of honor, of character, of moral strength, of reputation grew because they were based in innate principals of human trust. We live now in a transient place where people switch groups at the drop of the hat so some people think these ideas no longer apply. These people are wrong and the old ideas will be back with a vengeance. Be someone you would want to do business with. Have as a friend, as a lover. Otherwise you are in for a long, lonely and difficult road moving from place to place as you burn one set of people after another. Because cultures that lie as a habit ultimately can't out-compete those where honer is an important attribute. Don't be very clever. Just as in code, it catches up with one soon enough and it's just not worth it.