> now suicidal
Call a suicide hotline.
800-273-8255
Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
11–20 of 90 posts
Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
#12> I applied for 20 jobs so far. Already got 4 rejections. No offense intended, but I want to just say, "Toughen up, Cupcake." Jobs aren't won by applications, connections are key. Always have been, always will be. If you want to choose to be depressed... there's not much anyone can do. If you want to improve your situation, I hope you do realize that you do have the power to do so. Life isn't a race, comparing yourse…
Just want to comment on this real quick: > Do not, under any circumstances, bitch to your friends about your personal problems. That's not what friends are for, that's what you pay a shrink for. There is some truth to this. Not everyone is equipped to help friends who are suffering from depression. Some may be too selfish, some may just not know how, and some may be dealing with too many issues of their own at the ti…
Friends are too close to you, and typically buy your bullshit. When you are down, your narrative is highly skewed by your perspective. You need someone a little farther away for objectivity. Someone who realizes that anything you say is probably your shit-side talking, and has no real basis in reality.
If you can't afford a shrink... or are traveling... I've found that your nearest Rabbi or Catholic Priest will generally do in a pinch.
Your friends... well maybe your friends are better than mine, but since I don't know what my friends can take, and I don't want to burden them with stuff that I carry in my head. When you are depressed you aren't yourself -- not the you that your friends recognize anyway.
I personally don't like showing my friends that side of me... over the years I've found that the whiney neurotic insecure blob I turn into when I'm depressed isn't able to maintain friendships and scares people away. I used to blame them, but really it's just a lot to process. Now I find it better to just segment that part of my life away from the people who care about me. I like having friends around when I'm good, and having them around helps me from slipping back into depression... but friends can't cure depression. It's gotta be a choice to not be depressed any more and take the appropriate actions... easy to conceptualize, but feels like lifting Mt. Everest when you're going through it.
Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
#13> I applied for 20 jobs so far. Already got 4 rejections. No offense intended, but I want to just say, "Toughen up, Cupcake." Jobs aren't won by applications, connections are key. Always have been, always will be. If you want to choose to be depressed... there's not much anyone can do. If you want to improve your situation, I hope you do realize that you do have the power to do so. Life isn't a race, comparing yourse…
This is great advice.
Thanks, it was nothing original. I will pass on your compliment to all the hundreds of authors of self-help books and articles I've read, various shrinks, coaches, physical trainers, Priests, Rabbis, Comedians, and dog-groomers who gave me advice over the years. (=
Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
#14Earlier quoted context omitted.
Just want to comment on this real quick: > Do not, under any circumstances, bitch to your friends about your personal problems. That's not what friends are for, that's what you pay a shrink for. There is some truth to this. Not everyone is equipped to help friends who are suffering from depression. Some may be too selfish, some may just not know how, and some may be dealing with too many issues of their own at the ti…
Friends are too close to you, and typically buy your bullshit. When you are down, your narrative is highly skewed by your perspective. You need someone a little farther away for objectivity. Someone who realizes that anything you say is probably your shit-side talking, and has no real basis in reality. If you can't afford a shrink... or are traveling... I've found that your nearest Rabbi or Catholic Priest will gener…
Also want to add to make sure to SLEEP WELL. Just as there's advice to have a waking routine, have a sleeping routine too. Sleep at a set time with no screen use for ah hour before. Additionally drink green tea and focus on a plant based diet.
Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
#15Earlier quoted context omitted.
Friends are too close to you, and typically buy your bullshit. When you are down, your narrative is highly skewed by your perspective. You need someone a little farther away for objectivity. Someone who realizes that anything you say is probably your shit-side talking, and has no real basis in reality. If you can't afford a shrink... or are traveling... I've found that your nearest Rabbi or Catholic Priest will gener…
Also want to add to make sure to SLEEP WELL. Just as there's advice to have a waking routine, have a sleeping routine too. Sleep at a set time with no screen use for ah hour before. Additionally drink green tea and focus on a plant based diet.
Excellent point.
I sleep in a cool room without any electronics. Every night -- when I'm up or down. I have an alarm clock, and that's it. I leave my laptop in my office, and my phone plugged into a charger in the kitchen. The body will try and heal itself, you have to give it the right resources to do that... clean food, lots of water, and plenty of sleep.
Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
#16Thats okay, you have one life. Its precious. Its never too late to start. A guy I know started working at 35 and was a millionaire at 45
Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
#17As everybody has said, go seek professional help. You should have 0 shame about this. In the last year, I've discovered that some of my co-workers and friends I most admire have struggled with depression. It is probably more common than you think.
I also think I may be able to relate to your situation of being 30 without a career.
When I turned 30 I wasn't working. I thought I was taking a few months off, but couldn't get back into the work force. I was unemployed for almost 2 years, taking the odd job I could and volunteering (which I recommend).
I hadn't discovered programming or product management (truly) yet, which would become my profession by my mid-thirties. Ten years on, I work for a leading research agency, surrounded by amazing and brilliant co-workers and get to learn and experience more every day.
So, my point is, many people are just getting on the path at 30. You're not the only one, and I felt the same way you did at the time. I felt I was lost, I sought help. It was terrifying to think that I was left behind, that this is all my life would be.
The rejections from jobs you want can hurt, I know that, and each rejection gets more painful, and more scary.
I don't believe I have any contacts in Germany, though I could be wrong. Feel free to add me on linkedin (my name is same as my username here) and I'd be happy to help where with connections if I can.
PS, though 20000€ may seem a massive insurmountable amount, and it is a large chunk, you can pay that down in a few years if you're careful.
All is not lost, and this test will make you stronger. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
#18Earlier quoted context omitted.
Just want to comment on this real quick: > Do not, under any circumstances, bitch to your friends about your personal problems. That's not what friends are for, that's what you pay a shrink for. There is some truth to this. Not everyone is equipped to help friends who are suffering from depression. Some may be too selfish, some may just not know how, and some may be dealing with too many issues of their own at the ti…
Friends are too close to you, and typically buy your bullshit. When you are down, your narrative is highly skewed by your perspective. You need someone a little farther away for objectivity. Someone who realizes that anything you say is probably your shit-side talking, and has no real basis in reality. If you can't afford a shrink... or are traveling... I've found that your nearest Rabbi or Catholic Priest will gener…
I agree with you. When I needed encouragement and support the most, my closest friends did the opposite: pulled out of my life completely, one of them quite abruptly and abusively, taking some others with him. It hurt.
But, since then, I have other friends who have been there for me. And there are some friends whom I have been there for, because I know what it was like. So it's not impossible. :)
It's wise to be careful in choosing whom you try to lean on. Maybe it's not possible without a hard learning experience first. And it's made harder by not being in the most rational state of mind at the time.
Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
#19> now suicidal Call a suicide hotline. 800-273-8255
Not sure if that number will help him in Germany...? I posted a link to some German hotlines below, but the "he mentioned downvoting and/or Christianity, must downvote" zombies got to it. :/
Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?
#20Hi, I was in similar situation (though no suicidal thoughts) and can advice a few things:
1) you had a plan when you started your studies - any plan requires consequence and you are the only one who can consequently execute your plan. So don't give up when there's only 100 meters away from finish! Last 100 meters always feels worst but look back at whole marathon you are just finishing!
2) don't worry about job hunting, your end result will greatly depend on luck and how you structure your CV. In your situation any work-related experience (even if it was scientific coop, volunteering or teaching) is useful and everything depends on how you put this together. I can help with your CV (though I don't speak German, I can share nice video about CV writing)
3) you are under strong emotions now and obviously you are aware that any decision made under emotions is a bad decision. Step back, have a break, have a sleep, have ice cream, have chocolate, watch sci-fi movie from 70's, play a computer game, do whatever helps you relax. Focus since you are close achieving your goal!
4) this is not a big dept, you will pay it back in no time once you get a job (and you will get one, that is with no doubt since German economy is the strongest in Europe)