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Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

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Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#2
This one is probably very different than many people experienced, but I credit these things for being in the top 1% of earnings for my American co-hort (starting race, gender, educational attainment and economic class.)

My parents were theologians and both grew up as missionaries kids in incredibly dangerous, remote, environments, the best thing they did was teach us to think critically and parse communication (especially persuasive communication) and complex ideas. They used the tools of hermeneutics, theology and philosophy to do this, they also exposed us to living philosophers and their writings and the fields many journals.

They became heavily involved in education, literacy and higher learning and their plans to go overseas for mission work were dropped.

Every week on the way home from from the different churches we went to they would ask us what the pastors had preached incorrectly, what assertions they had made that were not defensible with the text they had used. There was very occasionally nothing said incorrect but there was usually A LOT of indefensible and even contradictory teaching. Much of it was teaching dominant local cultural positions unsupported by or antithetical to the text.

My siblings went into successful careers in scientific research, law, tech and leadership roles.

Literacy, critical thinking and the ability to parse complex ideas are invaluable. Having an "objective" text to argue to made things much more approachable as children.

I would love to figure out how to do that with my own kids if I ever have them, I won't be taking them to church so I'm not sure how to replicate the same environment.

Edit: The other thing they did was they moved us to a very wealthy area when I was about 13, and even though health catastrophe destroyed my families fortunes and health (before taking the lives of both my parents while I was barely 20,) our financial proximity to wealth and our willingness to exploit ourselves did give us access to capital opportunities we wouldn't have had in a less affluent area.

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#3
My parents instilled in me the idea of Delayed Gratification and I'm very thankful for it now! It wasn't by thier choice or decision though... we grew up poor in rural Kenya. The only time you got a "gift" (mostly clothing or shoes - rarely a toy) was in Christmas and only if the harvest was a good one.

Now as an adult, with my own children, I look back and appreciate that I didn't chase shinny stuff in my formative years. I'm totally ok waiting until the moment is right, but my children don't understand the concept at all.

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#5
My parents would talk about their struggles growing up without any money.

My mother who was orphaned at a very young age and was raised by her grand mother would tell us about how she would have to erase their books and turn over their school uniforms and restitch them when they got faded when a new school year began because they couldn’t afford new clothes or books. My uncle who was all of 8 months when my grand parents passed away, had to struggle to make his school fees. Yet they have done well simply because of their perseverance and hard work. When I think about it, luck must have played a role but they still worked very hard to make their lives and their kids lives better.

My father would tell me about the time when they couldn’t afford to buy milk for me as a kid. And his cousin who was many years his senior asked him if he had any savings and when they answered in the negative, implored him to start.

These 2 things have always been my guiding lights. Very recently I have started losing interest in everything that is happening around me due to life circumstances. And writing these things has truly helped me understand where I’m from and what I need to do. Thank you OP

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