Ask HN: Nightmares about Missing Work

Similar nightmares used to haunt me, but they were about school.

Instead of showing up without pants, I showed up without knowing the subject at all.. I'd sit there intently trying to make sense of what we were doing.. I could barely identify "oh, this is math, fuck.. I've not done my homework.. the past 4 grades.." and of course it ends with me getting asked some question and waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

To be fair.. I never did any homework and sucked hard at math because of it.. so the nightmares probably just reflected my waking life.

Could it be that you actually do feel like you're slacking off too much at home? Are you actually?

When covid hit, I was the first to work from home, I thought it'd be amazing but I never got the hang of it.. I'd tried once previously as a fully-remote, I had to leave that job because I couldn't do it.. So when restrictions were lifted, I was right back at office and never looked back.

Never about work, always about school. All the bad memories around pressure / expectations as an immigrant kid comes back and still haunts me to this day.

I’ve had this exact same recurring dream — it’s the end of the semester and I notice for the first time that there’s a class on my schedule I totally forgot about and haven’t attended once. I wonder what that’s all about.

I still have nightmares that I remember about a require class that I've been neglecting, and like you, I don't know enough to get the required grade. And, to make matters worse, if I don't pass this class this semester, I will not finish my degree, and my job offer will be revoked, etc etc.

My graduating year was very stressful. First grad student in the family, new relationship, finishing thesis and final publications, a math result that fell apart leaving one publication in danger, job hunting, tech interviews, and negotiations, cross-country move (compounding relationship). I didn't realize how stressful until I got the benefit of hindsight.

I'm also sure I"ll have nightmares about this time right now: Sick babies, haven't caught up from their newborn days, new high stress job, cross country move (again), house hunting while stuck in a rental, uncertain income (due to uncertain RSU vesting due to stressful job and all this time with sick kiddos slowing me down).

Come to think of it, where's the support group for these kind of white-collar, good-to-have kind of problems? I'm fairly confident this is one of the major contributors to generational success: You can look to your parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles , etc and get a data point that everything will be OK, everyone struggles with their thesis, etc and get meaningful advice and genuine support because the people around you have been there.

No. Instead, several times a week, I contemplate how the decision of switching to a fully remote job with flexible hours and no stand-ups, allowing me to work at friends or other places if I want, without any unnecessary stress of missing or having to attend the early daily Mass, is working so great for me. As a result by the way, I'm way more available for my colleagues during the day, almost counter-intuitively if you don't think too much about it. This company got it so right.

Good luck, I hope you will find a way to get rid of your nightmares to at least have one less stressful ceremony to attend each day. Maybe push for abandoning stand-ups in your team or find a way to leave for greener pastures.

Please do share your funny excuses you come up with.