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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#1

Post by trendingwaifu »

I am turning 35 years soon and I feel like I haven't achieved much, both personally and professionally. I have held jobs in small and big companies for mostly for 1-2 years each, traveled and lived in different countries, had 2 failed startups, and have about $500k in savings. I am single and haven't had a serious relationship for many years now.

As time went on, I started feeling less excited about everything, personal or work related. I used to be excited about new technologies, but not these days. I feel like I've seen most things before, and it's all just different iterations of the same. I increasingly wish I could go back to my 20s. Now I feel too old to go to festivals, bars and clubs and make new friends that way.

This has been a recent change for me. When I was ~30 I still considered myself young and able to do anything I could do when I was in my 20s. But not anymore now. I feel like my time for everything is running out. Have you been through a similar thing? How did you deal with it?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#3

Post by kkoncevicius »

In your situation I would start some kind of psychological therapy. You have a substantial amount of money so find someone competent. I started going to therapy when I was 35 as well, and my therapist said that for the first-time clients this is the most common age group, as defence mechanism that were working when people were young start to break down. Based on what you wrote - sounds exactly what might be happening with you.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#4

Post by ramijames »

Have you gone traveling? I found that spending a few years on the road dramatically changed the way that I saw myself, my place in the world, and my worldview as a whole.

Concepts like "achievement" are not fixed in stone, and are yours to define. Perhaps it is time that you take that challenge on, and define for yourself what success means to you. It doesn't have to be academic, career, or family oriented. It can be anything that you want it to be. But, it does have to come from yourself if you want it to be meaningful.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#8

Post by atiragram »

"But not anymore now. I feel like my time for everything is running out." -> what is this everything you want to have time for? Do you wish to be in a relationship? since you mentioned it at the beginning.

When I don't feel excited about the world, similar to what you describe, you meditate or spend time in nature. Reading about geology or trees has opened my eyes about how little we grasp about the nature of the universe and how focused on our own short lives we are while we are actually not much important. It's a shift in perspective. Usually, it helps me remember the small things that I still can influence rather than those beyond my control.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#9

Post by marto1 »

Put things in perspective. There are people in their 50s that still go to bars and continue until their 70s probably, stopping only because of physical inability. Anyway, that shouldn't be used as a measure is what I'm trying to say.

Remember that anything that happens to you has happened to thousands and thousands of men in the past so don't put so much pressure on living.

Also, try to see yourself more as an artist painting a picture rather than someone that is struggling through life. Hope that helps.

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