Ask HN: How does one do it all?

Or to elaborate: how does one make time for it all? I understand that this might sound trite and a 'normal' existential crisis in a cliched way but I am genuinely interested in figuring out how people go about deciding what to do with their time? Is it all about one's job or family? How does one balance the pleasures and stimulation of good art in the way of books, movies, tv, music, games, etc alongside more rigorous dives into subjects that might interest one (and potentially not be related much or altogether to one's profession fortunately/unfortunately) such as psychology, philosophy, anthropology, literary theory, etc as well as producing one's own 'art' whatever that might be? Add to this concerns such as volunteering, a social life, taking care of one's physical and mental well being, fulfilling obligations to those around us, paying at least some attention to world events, etc. As a person with eclectic tastes/interests, limited time to pursue them and a finite (atleast last time I checked) lifespan, I have found it increasingly difficult to figure out how to spend my time and seem to end up with an overall feeling of being overwhelmed and settling for the easiest activity at the time. Is it just a question of time management and prioritization?

As a person who is moving from the 'conventional studies' portion of their life to that portion which consists more of 'work' and when people increasingly enter into more serious relationships and make important life decisions such as marriage,children,etc, and is also increasingly aware of the paucity of time and what one can possibly do with it, I wanted to hear people's take on how they manage it all or have learned to manage it over time. I understand that making the most of one's life is a relatively common concern and that answers to this question can be wide ranging and often verge on the abstract but I am open to all manner of answers ranging from the practical to the philosophical. Keeping in mind the typical audience on here, it seemed like a question worth asking.

You can’t do it all and that’s a beautiful aspect of a mortal life. You continuously have to choose what’s most important to you, what’s fulfilling.

They don’t. If they do, they shouldn’t and need to relax some constraints.

I’ll offer four books.

-> “Getting things done” -> Dry as hell, but useful for basic organization and “adulting”.

-> “Essentialism” and “Make Time” -> prioritization

-> “Four Thousand Weeks” -> perspective

Life is trade-offs. The thing you are doing at this very moment (reading this comment) has been prioritized over everything else in your life. Analyzing everything this way can be exhausting and can lead you to beat yourself up, but it’s good to keep in mind at a high level.

When I say “they don’t” do it all, I mean anyone you see doing anything is, by definition, not doing everything. They are doing that one thing. A few people can do a lot of different things in a day and keep a lot of plates spinning, but there is a natural breadth vs. depth trade off.

I would encourage you to not try to do it all, but explicitly make trade offs for your time (e.g. hiring a house cleaner, ordering in from restaurants, getting a nanny if you and your spouse both want to work). Whatever your comfort is for that sort of thing, there’s nothing to be ashamed of for bringing in help to keep life moving. The best people have teams helping them get things done. Whatever your pain point is, throw resources at it. These will change over time.

Time != Energy. There are baseline skills (diet, exercise, sleep) that are force multipliers and have a positive ROI on Energy. There are things that have a highly negative ROI. Finding both for you is useful.

You will never “get there”, even if everything is perfect. Change is constant, and living is staying current and adapting with the change.

As Willie Nelson said, “All we have is right now”. That took me a long time to get.

As Bill Gates said, “We underestimate what we can accomplish in a year and overestimate what we can accomplish in a day.”

““You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” - Wayne Gretzky” - Michael Scott

And Warren Buffet says to write down your top 25 priorities, and absolutely do everything you can to avoid the bottom 20, focusing only on the top 5.

> how does one make time for it all?

You truly don't - it's impossible. It's like the CAP theorem: there are fundamental limits that all stem fundamentally from a lack of time. You have to sleep, eat, wash, exercise, do your chores, etc - these are fixed costs on your time. If you have children - and I recommend it, it's amazing - those fixed costs increase significantly.

If what you want is to continue to have a really good career - well, you'll either have to find a way to keep it within work hours, or you will have to sacrifice something else. Some people sacrifice exercise, sleep, hygiene, etc. but this always has its own costs in return. Some people sacrifice all of their free time, which instead has mental health impacts.

Instead, you have to...

- Become as efficient as possible at all of the above. Cut the corners that can be cut while still fulfilling the requirements. - Accept that you will not be able to perform the same as someone who is dedicating every moment of their lives to do something. You have to accept the benefits you get from your other pursuits in life as being worth the sacrifice of not getting extreme career advancement, not getting every moment of leisure time you want, etc. - Know that you can still achieve your goals to a large extent as long as you are willing to have a long horizon (low time preference).

> As a person with eclectic tastes/interests, limited time to pursue them and a finite (atleast last time I checked) lifespan, I have found it increasingly difficult to figure out how to spend my time and seem to end up with an overall feeling of being overwhelmed and settling for the easiest activity at the time. Is it just a question of time management and prioritization?

100%. For example, I love hiking and camping, and I would love to take a week away from my young family to explore the mountains, but ultimately doing so is somewhat selfish as it would lump all the work on my wife for that period of time. If I can find a way to enable her to have her own week of leisure, then maybe that can balance out; but more realistically I am going to be on a hiatus from week-long outings until the kids are older. This doesn't mean the occasional weekend can't happen, though!

Planning in advance and ensuring unknowns are minimized for yourself and your partner is key to ensuring that you can still do what you want.

I will leave you with this:

I have no idea what the hell I was doing with all my free time before I had children. There must have been hours upon hours in the average day that I had absolutely nothing to show for other than consuming content or excess calories. Now, every moment is utilized; there's way less "downtime" but honestly I don't even want it - I just want to get to have "uptime" of my choosing, and it happens as long as I make it happen.

I know parents who are overwhelmed and never get any free time, according to them, but when I watch how they live it is clear that this is happening mostly because of their own inefficiencies and the fact that they expect downtime to look like vegetating in front of the TV, where hours slip away, instead of going out and doing something like hiking / spending time with their family on an outing / etc. No wonder they feel like nothing is getting done and that their days are drudgery! "It's all I have energy for" is a poor excuse - the more you do, the easier it gets.

First off, don't envy anyone. On the outside you see someone with a great career and a great relationship. Reality, they just got laid off, they've been separated for about 6 months.

Be grateful for what you have, and don't compare yourself to anyone else. You don't know what they actually have