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Ask HN: How do I act at work as to not be disadvantaged?

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Ask HN: How do I act at work as to not be disadvantaged?

#1

Post by Ceiling »

I don’t know how to communicate with co-workers and management as to not limit opportunities.

If I’m reclusive, people consider me detracted and dull to be around and nobody wants to do much with the dull, reclusive man.

If I’m open and friendly, I find that people don’t take me as serious and I potentially miss out on promotions and raises. Why give the man who’s happy a “please stay” raise? He’s happy! Why give him a promotion? We need somebody who’s not so friendly with people and is looked at as a leader not a peer. I also find it’s hard to be seen as a leader amongst peers if you’re friendly with them.

How does one balance these two extremes? I want to be friendly and kind but I also want people to take me seriously.

Re: Ask HN: How do I act at work as to not be disadvantaged?

#2

Post by anigbrowl »

Keep being nice. Ask other people questions, people like a good listener - but if they run on too much ask them to summarize. Be willing to say no, regularly, and if asked for explanations be blunt but not arrogant or helpless, eg 'I'd prefer not to take on more projects' rather than 'it's not interesting' or 'I don't have time.' Help others. Don't ask people to help, which requires them to work out what sort of help you need. Ask them to do specific things, which gives them an easy decision as long as your requests are not burdensome.

Take the initiative, which is often as simple as being the first person to leave a conversation or conversely make others wait a little to discover your opinion. Those can be your times to lead. Settling small disputes by saying you'll take responsibility will win you attention because so many people prefer to duck it.

Tell people it's nice to see them and look out for opportunities to give people small compliments. Don't talk too much. Don't forget to thank people. Thanks that come later make more of an impact than thanks in the moment.

In sum, limit your availability but make your presence enjoyable to others while providing a sense of direction.

Re: Ask HN: How do I act at work as to not be disadvantaged?

#3

Post by theduder99 »

anigbrowl wrote: post #2

Keep being nice. Ask other people questions, people like a good listener - but if they run on too much ask them to summarize. Be willing to say no, regularly, and if asked for explanations be blunt but not arrogant or helpless, eg 'I'd prefer not to take on more projects' rather than 'it's not interesting' or 'I don't have time.' Help others. Don't ask people to help, which requires them to work out what sort of help…

great advice here, thanks for sharing! these techniques could also be used outside the work environment too.

Re: Ask HN: How do I act at work as to not be disadvantaged?

#5

Post by f0e4c2f7 »

Be kind. Be yourself. When you feel like making more money leave and get a new job. If you liked the company and didn't want to leave, go back a year later for better money and title.

Edit: I just realized you didn't say what you do. Results may vary if you try this outside of software.

Re: Ask HN: How do I act at work as to not be disadvantaged?

#7

Post by hitsurume »

I see two different questions here: Do you want more money and more responsibility? Or do you want to be liked and accepted by your peers?

Some more questions: Do you like the person you are right now? Would talking and communicating more be very uncomfortable for your personality and cause you fear or anxiety?

Re: Ask HN: How do I act at work as to not be disadvantaged?

#8

Post by floxy »

doggodaddo78 wrote: post #6

Be cool. Don't try so hard to be liked. Don't think. Give fewer f's what other people think because YCPEATT.

Note to self: easy access to the internet is making me stupid. Instead of trying to figure out what YCPEATT meant, I immediately tried duckduckgo. When that failed, I tried google. When that failed, I spent a whole 5 seconds figuring out the initialism.

Re: Ask HN: How do I act at work as to not be disadvantaged?

#9

Post by _benj »

dcminter wrote: post #4

Have you read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" ? It's often recommended here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influen...

I second this. For a long time the title was a turn off for me but I finally decided to give it a chance and it’s was awesome!!

It is not as manipulative as the book title suggests. It’s more like “what actually IS being _nice_”

Re: Ask HN: How do I act at work as to not be disadvantaged?

#10

Post by kleer001 »

A critical self evaluation of your personality wouldn't hurt. Check out the Big 5 personality model. Unlike the Meyers Briggs its based on a search for answers in actual data, some call it science. There's plenty of tests out there and plenty of youtube videos. Here's my favorites:

https://www.understandmyself.com/

and

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLx8EASkSeQ

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