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Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?

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Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?

#1

Post by amiarrogant »

Through some introspection I've always been aware of the fact that I sometimes act a little cocky or plain arrogant (especially during a technical argument) and I've always hated this side of me.

Recently it was brought up during a chat with some colleagues and all I could do was apologize and tell them I was aware of this personality trait of mine and I would work on it. Plus the recent events involving Linus Torvalds made me think more and more about how this personality trait can be destructive, in the long run.

Other than my personal research I wanted to ask the community here: how can I take my arrogance down a few notches?

Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?

#2

Post by sigmaprimus »

I think this may not be the right forum to ask such a question. There seems to be a lot of arrogance around here, myself included unfortunately. That being said I would suggest you are already on the righteous path by being aware of your short commings and trying to deal with them. Maybe religion, or self help books? "How to win friends and influence people" seems to be a good seller.

Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?

#3

Post by amiarrogant »

sigmaprimus wrote: post #2

I think this may not be the right forum to ask such a question. There seems to be a lot of arrogance around here, myself included unfortunately. That being said I would suggest you are already on the righteous path by being aware of your short commings and trying to deal with them. Maybe religion, or self help books? "How to win friends and influence people" seems to be a good seller.

Thanks for the suggestion. I was also ambivalent about posting here but I thought that this might be a feeling a lot of other programmers have, similarly to the impostor syndrome. I have that book on my to-read list, will make sure to bump it to the top!

Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?

#4

Post by Gibbon1 »

One of the things I try to keep in mind is that people have a diverse set of skills and experience. Combine that with the fact that there is usually a dozen ways to solve problems opinions can differ and even be right when viewed from different vantage points.

I'll also throw in that a lot of people when confronted by an idea try to find a fault with it. And feel they've accomplished something by tearing it down. When the correct approach is to try and find what's right about it and fix it's defects as much as possible before judging it.

Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?

#8

Post by impendia »

A couple of ideas:

- Expose yourself to people whom you consider smarter, more talented, or more accomplished than yourself. Ideally in person; you might also read biographies of people who accomplished amazing things.

- Take up a new hobby as a beginner. At various times as an adult I've tried out karate, piano, improv comedy; all of these have been a good antidote to my own natural arrogance.

Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?

#9

Post by oldsklgdfth »

Arrogance has a place and time. I enjoy running, so on race day when you need to summon all your strength being arrogant is useful. But it's usually harmful during training where you need to take it easy and listen to your body.

I go to run meets where there are much faster people than me and I struggle to keep up, that is very humbling and keeps my ego in check. Also, going to races and seeing how much better trained other are does that too.

Trying to tie this analogy back into your situation. There's no point in being right all the time at the expense of coming off rude. Save all that arrogance for when it counts and you need to win an argument, say in a meeting or something.

Also, I would say that you are probably missing some growth opportunities by being arrogant. Take a step back and don't worry about being right, but about growing.

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