I’ve been trying to come to grips with how mediocre I am recently after seeing many former coworkers go on to better pay and more prestige - have any of you come to peace with it? The only thing it has lead me so far is crippling depression and insomnia.
Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
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Re: Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
#2Do you have any hobby which you find rewarding in itself?
(Note that I am not saying "find something outside your job where you can excel" - I mean "try to find something you like doing for the pleasure of it an see if it helps you finding some satisfaction in doing it, without any competitive aspect".
Re: Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
#3Do you have any hobby which you find rewarding in itself? (Note that I am not saying "find something outside your job where you can excel" - I mean "try to find something you like doing for the pleasure of it an see if it helps you finding some satisfaction in doing it, without any competitive aspect".
I honestly don’t - I used to spend time playing online games with friends but I’ve mostly stopped recently. It turns out I’m bad at them too.
I tried learning to play an instrument but gave up. I might pick it up again but I haven’t found the time.
The sad thing is I feel like I need an interesting hobby or interests like the folks that went to top schools and work at top companies but I can’t think of anything or do anything well.
Re: Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
#4There's always someone better/smarter/faster/more successful than any given person. Just stop caring. Concentrate on one or two areas, become really really good at them, and start doubling your prices till you hit the ceiling.
Re: Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
#5Do you have any hobby which you find rewarding in itself? (Note that I am not saying "find something outside your job where you can excel" - I mean "try to find something you like doing for the pleasure of it an see if it helps you finding some satisfaction in doing it, without any competitive aspect".
I honestly don’t - I used to spend time playing online games with friends but I’ve mostly stopped recently. It turns out I’m bad at them too. I tried learning to play an instrument but gave up. I might pick it up again but I haven’t found the time. The sad thing is I feel like I need an interesting hobby or interests like the folks that went to top schools and work at top companies but I can’t think of anything or do…
"Do well" is always a function of two things: natural talent and time devoted to a specific activity.
This is why I suggested looking for stuff you enjoy doing no matter how good you are at it (at least at first). If you pick up dancing (just as an example) but feel frustrated because everyone else is a better dancer than you then you will drop out quickly, because it just reinforces your idea of "not being very good at it".
My suggestion is to try a few different things - stressing the non-competitive aspect - and see if there is something you enjoy.
Possible suggestions:
Photography: you can start by just taking a walk with your smartphone, no need to invest any money in fancy equipment, plenty of online courses and advice for the basics, too).
Drawing: again, either self-taught, or try finding a course (drawing is nice because when you get the basics down you can practice a lot on your own, wherever you are and have a bit of time...).
Painting: same as drawing, with the drawbacks that you need more than one pencil/pen, and therefore you will probably not be able to just get away with quick doodles during lunch hour, or at the park or whatever. Will also be more expensive and take space at your home. On the other hand you can nowadays do a lot with a tablet and a high-quality stylus.
Martial arts: try something non-competitive, like Aikido. More in general, there are a lot of choices in what this book describes as "self-cultivating arts": https://www.amazon.com/Japanese-Arts-Self-Cultivation-Robert...
So: try something that does not cost a fortune at the start, because you cannot know in advance if you like it or not (if you love it, you will be able to find a lot of opportunities to spend money on it later ;).
Try avoiding any idea of competition with others: it does not matter if you go to a drawing course and the other students are "better" at it than you. The important thing to focus on is that at the end of each lesson you will be better than you were before the lesson.
Re: Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
#6Mediocrity is a choice, brother. You need to do some root cause analysis to fix it.
Re: Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
#7There's always someone better/smarter/faster/more successful than any given person. Just stop caring. Concentrate on one or two areas, become really really good at them, and start doubling your prices till you hit the ceiling.
>There's always someone better/smarter/faster/more successful than any given person
The problem for me is this is literally everyone that matters
>Concentrate on one or two areas, become really really good at them
This is difficult as someone working on front-end for internal tools that 5 people will use
Re: Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
#8Mediocrity is a choice, brother. You need to do some root cause analysis to fix it.
I've thought about this a bunch.
I think the reasons are:
* Mediocre IQ.
* Lack of grit and persistence that I can't develop
* Natural lack of charisma
A combination of all of these make me very unhappy and very poor.
Re: Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
#9Mediocrity is a choice, brother. You need to do some root cause analysis to fix it.
I've thought about this a bunch. I think the reasons are: * Mediocre IQ. * Lack of grit and persistence that I can't develop * Natural lack of charisma A combination of all of these make me very unhappy and very poor.
I want to be careful about doing Internet psych diagnosis, but you sound (from your previous comments) like you may be somewhere on the spectrum of depression/anxiety. Have you thought about talking to a professional?
I have no idea what my IQ is. I definitely know what my present limitations are, and I think about them a lot (I'm a little obsessed by the limits on my willpower that keep me from e.g. spending 8 consecutive hours studying abstract algebra, or learning Haskell). But I'm not alarmed by them. I am naturally "good at" some things (I'm coming to believe that "good at" is almost a synonym for "enjoys/gets a charge from") and other things are uphill climbs for me. I try to arrange my work so that my uphill climbs are always for a reason. I think this is a healthier attitude than trying to gauge some very-probably-fictitious intrinsic "IQ" attribute to find my place in the world.
If you can write in complete sentences and in a conversational tone, you're doing fine on charisma. Having organized and been involved in HN meetups in the past: you are almost certainly not anomalously inept in social situations. We are not the funnest cocktail party in the world.
I came across this post because I have a saved search for "IQ" (historically, "IQ" has been a reliably marker for seriously gross threads) and not because I clicked through on an "Ask HN" about "coming to grips with your own mediocrity". I'd gingerly suggest that the whole notion of "coming to grips with mediocrity" is a bit toxic and crazymaking.
Re: Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?
#10Taking your "Sad Amazon Intern" handle at face value, do NOT use the experience of peers at Amazon as a benchmark for success in life, career, or anything else. It is a very intense place with a very particular definition of "success". Shop around for other companies to work for, big and small. You may just find that you can make a larger impact, get more visibility, and feel more rewarded working for someone else.