My social skills are going down exponentially day by day. I am an undergraduate at a university. I tend to be communicative with people who share similar interests (physics, hacking, heavy metal etc.). Is this for the worst? I know that HN is not a social advice site. But I believe that there'd be a couple of guys having had experiences like me who could give me some advice :)
Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
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Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#2Why are you growing away from people? There has to be a reason.
I faced a similar battle and realized I was just growing a lot faster than the people around me and just needed broader experiences. In the end, I learned to focus on QUALITY of relationships, not QUANTITY. I learned that one amazing woman is better than a hundred models. I learned that one loyal friend is better than a hundred cool ones.
Not all who wander are lost...
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#3It would be, if you were naturally that way. The fact that you're questioning it seems to suggest you're not acting like yourself.
Seek help, from a friend, or maybe even a professional.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#4[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#5It is if you're okay with it.
Functioning and even prospering in modern society requires you to be plugged in and socialize. You can live fine off the grid and being an outsider but with each option you have the advantages or disadvantages.
Do you and what makes you happy.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#6I would say that there's no need to learn how to gel with people you don't like. I'd consider trying to learn how to like others, though, which actually is different.
Find out what others like the way you like things. And talk to them about those things. This will give you something to chat about, teach you something about a subject you didn't know about before, and possibly earn them some respect in your eyes.
But beyond that, just seek out people who do share your interests. There are plenty. Me, for example. There are too many people out there who you will get along with great instantly to stress over those who are basically asleep.
But when in a pinch, it's good to try and get them to talk about something they can teach you about.
Good luck to you. And if none of that works, ping me at daniel@danielmiessler.com, and we can chat physics (I'm an amateur) and metal (old school).
Cheers.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#7Yes, it is OK. However modern business tends to select strongly against introverts. So my advice would be to look for some classes on public speaking, or possibly look for a nearby chapter of Toastmasters.
When you get out into the business world, you'll find that standing up in front of a group and giving presentations is an important skill. It might be for something as simple as explaining why X is the wrong direction and Y is a better direction. You'll need to be able to sell yourself when it comes to business - after all, that is what a job interview is.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#8I would say that there's no need to learn how to gel with people you don't like. I'd consider trying to learn how to like others, though, which actually is different. Find out what others like the way you like things. And talk to them about those things. This will give you something to chat about, teach you something about a subject you didn't know about before, and possibly earn them some respect in your eyes. But b…
Thanks a lot mate :)
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#9Pick up First, Break All The Rules to learn the difference between talents and skills.
Being extroverted is a talent. If you're an introvert, no amount of willpower is going to make dealing with strangers more fun. That said, you can be good at it. Some of the top public speakers and sales people are introverts. But when they walk off the stage, they need their space.
That said, my advice is to find ways to be happy with being who you are. And you're hardly going to be alone out there. I've seen figures indicating that about 3/4 of programmers are introverted. There is something about interacting intensely with a computer that does not appeal so strongly to extroverts. So, depending on what you want to do, being an introvert could be an advantage.
Re: Ask HN: Is being an introvert okay?
#10I spent a decent amount of my life thinking there was something wrong with me for being an introvert. This is mostly because everyone who isn't introverted sees it as really weird.
I'm just happier alone, or with a small group. And now I accept that, and it's great.
Even though that's true, I loved selling Dyson vacuum cleaners when I was a kid. I still love persuading people to see things my way and speaking in public. So you can be introverted but still able to work with people. It's a developed skill, and I was lucky enough to pick it up through retail in high school.
It's okay to be an introvert if being that way makes you happy. If what you're saying is that you're lonely, that's a different kettle of fish.
Finding fellowship can be a challenge. Being at a university helps – you've got a great shot at finding more like-minded people. If you can strike a balance between alone time and people whose company you genuinely like, you're in good shape. I know it's easier said than done, though. It may help to accept there's nothing wrong with introverted inclinations. People like people who are true to themselves.