Viewing profile — stroz

I believe your dad figured out the secret! The people who never run out of friends are the ones who stopped counting whose turn it is.

You're right, it's definitely a prisoner's dilemma. Except in this version, the punishment is usually just awkwardness, and the reward is sometimes igniting life changing connectio…

It's so easy to overthink the content when it's about the contact. What if it's just "saw this and thought of you"? Could be anything. The connection isn't in having the perfect to…

You captured the human condition perfectly. We're all walking contradictions trying to guess which fences are real. One way to look at it is to just test one fence. Just one. If it…

You're not wrong. Some of us need space more than connection. Your birthday, your rules. There's a difference between healthy boundaries and unnecessary barriers, and it's very per…

You're right, socializing has different costs for different people. Some fences are boundaries, not barriers and that's ok! Not every fence needs to come down. Honor what serves yo…

Growing up inside the fence means never learning there was an outside. Learning as an adult is like learning a new language, slow, often awkward, but possible. Start tiny. One word…

The fear of no response is real. It's not about logic, it's about old wounds. What helps is sending messages with zero expectation. Treat it like throwing paper airplanes. Some fly…

Thanks for saying this! Following up is the invisible fence that kills more opportunities than anything. You're completely right, sending the second message isn't pushy, it's just …

Kids see through our nonsense so clearly. Your daughter just gave you the permission you've been waiting 20 years for. "Did you have a fight?" "No!" "Then write to her." That simpl…

That's amazing to hear! And it definitely feels scary every time. "Perhaps I'm too sentimental" --> I disagree, you're just brave enough to admit you care. That birthday message th…

Agreed, there’s so much wisdom captured so simply in this comment. I’m still thinking about it.

Fair point! The irony isn't lost on me, writing about breaking free from systems while building another one. Sometimes we need training wheels before we can ride free. The goal is …

Wow, this is incredible. You just proved that connection is 90% attitude, 10% history. You became friends because you acted like friends. Sometimes not knowing the "rules" is the s…

The fact that you're asking means you already know the answer. Old dogs learn new tricks every day, they just call it wisdom instead of learning. Pick one person. Send one text. Th…

COVID emptied a lot of our tanks. Sometimes the fence isn't fear, it's just straight up exhaustion. The tank refills slowly, and you're allowed to be gentle with yourself. Sometime…

Absolutely love the idea of "Targeted gratitude". You're right that sometimes the pain makes us shy away from looking directly at root causes. Gratitude as a way to hold the pain w…

This gave me chills! One text changes everything. That 7 hour drive is what breaking free from old stories looks like. Thank you for sharing this, stories like yours are why I wrot…

Thank you so much for sharing this! What you’re doing is honestly amazing. You skip the negotiation about whether we’re allowed to be human with each other. You just assume connect…

You're right, we see everyone else's fences perfectly while blind to our own. Here's what helped me most, when I hit a painful thought, I try to think about it as, "What are you pr…

Author here: Walking past a house recently, I watched a dog refuse to leave his porch as the owner explained that the electric fence has been broken for years. It hit me, we're all…